Brother wonders about obligation in Israel trip.

Things have ended with that man and events have made it clear that we are in agreement on very few things, including, apparently, what constitutes evil behavior.

Assuming I do encounter Cheryl as frequently as I expect to, should I mention the connection? I’m worried about a situation where we become friends and she finds out later that I’ve known about this unflattering portrayal of her long before we met.

On the other hand, how can I bring that up without causing her unnecessary pain? “My, you’re much less evil than Murray let on”?

Surely you can acknowledge the connection to your former beau without repeating his slander. If Cheryl pursues the subject at all, it seems more likely that she will take the occasion to express her own feelings about him than to inquire too closely about what he said about her.

In either case, your situation is vastly simplified in that you owe no loyalty to Murray. If she does ask what was said about her, you can answer that whatever it was, you knew better than to give it any weight. Miss Manners cautions against too enthusiastic an expression of dislike. While it may superficially further your new friendship, it is more polite — and better revenge — to discard his example, rather than emulate it. such. I am of the opinion that people will think of her less professionally if she brings in baked goods.

Besides, I am the fulltime dishwasher in our house and I don’t like washing dishes for baked goods somebody else gets to eat. My wife tells me that she is just being polite, but I don’t think it is appropriate. What do you think?

If your wife has become known primarily for providing treats around the office, it is possible that it is not doing her career any favors. But Miss Manners fails to see a significant difference in homemade goods versus store-bought ones in this scenario — except in your rather odd resentment in cleaning up after them.

As long as it has not become a chore or expected, and your wife enjoys doing it, why should she not continue?

As for her apologizing for her food order, Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with how she phrases her request. If anything, it is the crabcakes that are being maligned here, hardly your wife for asking for them.

While Miss Manners is in agreement that women should not have to succumb to so-called “traditional” roles or engage in unnecessarily apologetic behavior, she fears that your efforts to support your wife by fixating on her every move might be becoming part of the problem. If you would truly like to help her out, Miss Manners suggests that you learn how to bake.