Local View: Channel bullying pain into helping others.
Kudos to all involved recently in intervening when a University of Central Florida student praised mass shooters on social media. The student said he was bullied in middle and high schools, according to court records, and contemplated returning to those schools to kill students, if he gathered the “courage.”
But what if courage meant something other than seeking revenge against innocent kids who had nothing to do with a student’s torment? What if it meant a mature realization that while most adults were bullied, teased or isolated as kids, they did not retaliate with violence? Most simply moved on. Some, like me and my fellow elders at ElderWisdomCircle.org, became volunteers, offering compassionate advice at no charge to today’s young people.
Turning painful memories into a gift — imagine that.
When answering letters from bullied kids, I often recall my own struggles.
In middle school, I was flat-chested as plywood, with frizzy hair and buck teeth that stuck out like an awning. Social media in 1964 consisted of a slam book, a notebook filled with loose-leaf paper, passed around the classroom behind the teacher’s back. The pages were titled “Ugliest Girl,” “Most Stupid,” “Least Likely to be Kissed” and so on. When it was handed to me, I was heartbroken to see my name on several of the pages. Fearing retaliation from the populargirl cartel, I silently passed the book to the girl behind me.
I recall that painful day, but it didn’t define me. I soon discovered that my hair didn’t catch fire if I spoke to someone. Turned out I could even be funny. My frizzy hair settled down, and braces tamed those alarming front teeth. But the big change came when I realized the popular girls were wrong about me. Today I don’t recall their names, but I do remember my first true friends. And my first kiss — braces and all. Take that, slam book.
In my opinion, it takes more courage to overcome bullying and find yourself than it does to fantasize about hurting other people. I don’t know if victims of bullying can find it within themselves to make the right choice. I hope they can.
To them, I throw out this challenge: If the bullies called you a loser, you can prove them right by harming others in retaliation. Or you can work up the courage to rise above their hurtful words. Perhaps one day you’ll channel your pain in a way that will help others. Now wouldn’t that take some real guts?