David Whitley:
Playoffs mean ex-Magic must be busy.
The NBA Playoffs start today, which raises the usual question of which ex-Orlando player will have a great postseason and make the Magic look like idiots for trading him? My money is on James Harden. Sure, he never actually played for our local club. If he had, Rob Hennigan probably would have traded him for Greg Oden.
I hate to crack on the Magic in a playoff column since they’ve had absolutely nothing do with the playoffs since the Bush Administration. I’m just venting over another lost season and the Magic finishing with a one-game winning streak.
Wednesday’s meaningless victory over the Wizards dropped Orlando out of a three-way tie for the league’s third-worst record, drastically lowering their lottery chances and increasing the odds
they’ll draft a one-armed Lithuanian.
No point worrying about that now. All we can do is try to enjoy the playoffs from the outside looking in. Here’s what I’d like to see happen over the next two months.
Indiana beat Cleveland
Frankly, I’m LeBroned out.
King James is the greatest player on the planet, but the Cavs drama became too wearisome about the time he started sporting the Abe Lincoln beard.
I’d hate to see the 13 reporters ESPN has assigned to covering LeBron get laid off, but most would switch to full-time jobs speculating over how he’ll get along with Lonzo Ball’s publicity-hound father after signing with the Lakers.
Of course, Victor Oladipo would have to average 37.9 points and 12.8 assists for the Pacers to win the series.
That would go over well with Magic fans.
Popovich get Popoviched.
How great would it be for Gregg Popovich to slink over to a sideline reporter during a timeout and the reporter to grunt, “I hate this even more than you do, but neither of us would be millionaires if not for TV so why don’t you be a professional and drop the Bill Belichick routine?”
The Heat upset the 76ers
Philly’s the trendy playoff pick with all its youthful talent, but the 76ers got here by intentionally stinking for half a decade to stockpile lottery picks.
Aw, I’m just bitter that instead of ending up with Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons, Dario Saric and Markelle Fultz, all the Magic have to show for a half-decade of stinking is Aaron Gordon and a locker full of hair products left by Elfrid Payton.
Fred VanVleet become the breakout star
Toronto’s guard is small,
underrated and has a name right out of the House of Lords.
Golden State sink in the West
The once-lovable Warriors have gotten so whiny and entitled that the Real Housewives of Malibu want to give them a good slap. I’m fantasizing that 59-year-old Manu Ginobili will go nuts and lead the Spurs to the greatest firstround upset in playoff history.
Toronto panic
Is the top seed in the East really playoff material? After beating the Wizards in Round 1, here’s hoping the Raptors decide they need a wildly overpaid shot-blocking center who can’t shoot and they take back Bismack Biyombo. Boston roll
The Celtics were supposed to be dead after losing Kyrie Irving. But after sweeping the first two series and negotiating a truce in Syria on the off days, Brad Stevens suddenly decides he wants a real challenge and becomes the Magic’s coach.
Boston then hires Frank Vogel, who leads them to the NBA Finals.
Oklahoma City win it all
It would prove that small-market teams can succeed and reward Russell Westbrook, the hardest working man in the NBA. The only hitch is that Hennigan might get a ring since he is now the Thunder’s Vice President of Insight & Foresight.
If he’d have shown a smidgen of either in Orlando, basketball fans wouldn’t be hopelessly stuck on the outside looking in.