Woman’s choice of partner concerns mom.

Dear Amy: I have three great kids. My daughter has always been headstrong and willful. My abusive ex-husband cut off all ties with her from the time she was 15. She is basically a good person.

However, she and I do not agree on a lot of subjects, causing our relationship to be strained. She is now 25.

Two years ago, she met and fell in love with a guy 23 years her senior. Two months later, he told her that, although he was born a male, he was also undergoing hormone therapy to transition to female.

My daughter feels that because she fell in love with the "person," she has no problem with his gender.

I was brought up very conservative. Although inside I feel like screaming at her, I have kept silent.

I have met him once and he seems to be a nice person. But I am worried about my daughter. How will they have kids? How will my 80-year-old mother and our family and friends react?

Am I wrong to object to my daughter's choice of a partner, given the age difference and the gender issue? How do I deal with this? Does she need counseling, or do I? — Conservative Mom

Dear Mom: You are neither right nor wrong to object to your daughter's choice of partner. However, ask yourself what the use would be of raising your objections to her.

Your headstrong, willful daughter is no doubt expecting that this will rile you, but you cannot live her life or pick her friends or her partner.

She either will or won't have children, and this is also something out of your control.

Your 80-year-old mother and your family and friends might freak out, but again their reaction is up to them.

She is an adult. You want her to be happy. If being with this person makes her happy, then her happiness could ease her relationship with you.

If she asks your opinion, you should tell her frankly that she faces many more challenges than other people her age, but that you trust her to handle them.

You should definitely give yourself the gift of therapy. A competent and compassionate therapist will encourage and coach you to detach with love.