Domestic violence impacts everyone
Every day, someone in our community is abused. Every day, our community is faced with our children held hostage by abusers as they try to take control back over from survivors. Every day, our own law-enforcement officers put their lives on the line whenever they answer a call about a domestic-violence incident. Every day, it affects our community whether we realize it or not. This week’s Lindsey tragedy was a direct example of that — on an escalated scale.
Many ask, “Why did she stay with him?” Such a simple question doesn’t have a simple answer because it’s about survival; and the mindset of abusers is all about power and control. It’s power and control over finances, whom survivors can interact with, when they can or cannot leave the house, how they dress — even down to the color of their nail polish. There is love and support — in the beginning of the relationship — so they fall in love.
When the first signs of abuse happen, the survivors will think to themselves that their partners are having a bad day. But then it escalates. The survivors are stripped of their identify to the point where they become dependent on their abusers. From that moment on, it’s all about survival. Oftentimes they still love the offenders, but they just want the abuse to stop.
The tragic situation brought to the forefront the effect that domestic violence has on an entire community — law enforcement, neighbors, family members, friends, employers and media and, in this instance, the nation was watching. It brought us together as we watched it unfold; we prayed and cried together. It’ll take the entire community coming together to help; to take a no-tolerance stance against this behavior; and to help protect survivors and their innocent families. What can we do from here? Law enforcement and those intricately involved in domestic violence will analyze every single facet of the incident — including Lindsey’s history — to see what, collectively, went right and what we need to do to improve systems and break the cycle of violence in a family. Harbor House is working on stopping generational violence by providing the necessary recovery services to children, so any pattern of abuse will stop with them; but we can’t do it alone. If children have seen arguments end because of violence, then they will handle conflict in the same way when they get older. This is not a way to end an argument. This is not how a loving, healthy relationship should be.
It’ll take the community to get involved with the local, certified domestic-violence organizations to facilitate this change for our children. Our children deserve it for a healthy future as adults and as productive citizens of our community.
For anyone who is experiencing an abusive or violent relationship, know it’s OK to step forward and get help. You are not alone. There is a support network to help you and your family safely get the necessary help. Love shouldn’t hurt or end in tragedy.