Paying to park at the outlet malls? Maybe
Last week, two of Orlando’s outlet malls announced they were now offering shoppers who were sick of searching for parking spaces the chance to pay for VIP spots.
Over on the Sentinel’s Facebook page, readers reacted with the kind of restrained reflection we’ve come to expect from social media. “It’s bulls***!” “Where’s our mayor?” “I wish someone sues them.” “Orlando is a horror show of a place. Wish it didn’t exist.”
So we had calls for litigation, regulation and annihilation … in response to $3 parking fees.
And the reactions were as voluminous as they were passionate. While a Sentinel story about Florida’s gubernatorial candidates generated two reader comments, the one on outlet parking prompted 312 … and a lot of poop emojis.
Now, normally I waste my time chasing those two-comment stories — about things like candidate records, government corruption and civil rights.
But I want poop emojis, too. So, if it’s paid-outlet parking that has folks worked up, about paid-outlet parking I will write!
And I want you to know, dear readers, that I, too, find the development unseemly.
On the simplest level, these retail destinations obviously haven’t built enough spots to accommodate the customers they seek. And now they want us to pay, so we can pay some more. SHAME ON THEM!!
And yet … I’d probably pay. In fact, the paid option might even be enough to lure me back. See, like many locals, I don’t visit the outlet malls very often.
The last time my family went, the visit nearly resulted in a divorce. And assault charges between me and another parking-seeker. And my wife and I trying to decide whether we actually wanted to keep both our children.
If I could avoid all that for three bucks, yeah, sign me up.
Tensions peaked when someone swiped a spot we’d found after searching for 20 minutes.
The spot-stealer snuck in while we were patiently waiting for the other car to pull out — so I started to leap from the car to confront the offending thief.
“Is this really worth fighting over?” my wife asked. “Maybe losing your life?”
In hindsight, I think her question was rhetorical.
But at the time, I briefly contemplated her queries and concluded: Yes. Yes it is.
I decided: If I can take a stand for all rule-following spot seekers … If I must lay down my life near the loading dock of the Hanes Brands store … to send a message that the civilized world WILL NOT TOLERATE such anarchy on our noble quest to save four dollars on a pair of khakis … then I will die proudly and valiantly!
By then, my wife was playing Candy Crush. My daughter just wanted to go home.
And my son suggested we just