Successful son fails at relationship with his mom

Dear Amy: My adult son is highly successful in a demanding field. He and I have had a close and loving relationship for all of his life -- until recently.

The more success and recognition he gains, the harder he is on me, finding fault with little things. This leads to a lecture on my "bad behavior," sending hurtful texts, and with the latest outburst, a complete breaking off of our relationship.

He and his wife are having their first child. I traveled to their home in another state for a pre-baby visit.

Prior to my arrival, my son had called me to say that he was in a tough emotional spot and to ask that I be aware of that. I was extremely careful. However, during a conversation, I innocently commented that I was happy that the name they chose for the baby was one I had once suggested. The response was an immediate and vicious attack, where he accused me of being "narcissistic" and "kicking him when he's down."

I was shocked and extremely hurt. I packed my things, said goodbye and left.

He first sent me a text apologizing for hurting me, but then later sent a very angry, very hurtful message that essentially cuts me out of his life.

His wife, with whom I have always had a good relationship, has remained silent.

Amy, I do not know how to process my pain. His father (now deceased) was an angry, emotionally and verbally abusive man, and I see the same traits in my son. I miss the son I used to know.

I have a chronic illness that for the most part is under control, but now I am unable to eat, sleep or stop crying. I am now worried about my health.

I don't know where to go from here.

Dear Heartbroken: You must protect your health. Biofeedback, meditation, medication and talk therapy could all help.

Your son told you that he is in a "tough emotional spot." What does he mean? His volatile behavior might indicate that he is struggling through some mental health challenges of his own.

If your son is so volatile toward you, you can imagine how powerless his wife might feel. Don't expect her to intervene.

You need professional guidance, and your son does, too. For now, try not to catastrophize this encounter, or look too far into the future.