Grieving teen boy ponders possible crush

Dear Amy: I am a 15-year-old guy. Unfortunately, I lost my mother to cancer only six months ago. I tend to overthink things often, and that’s why I’m writing. I am not sure whether I have a crush on this person at school, or if I am just longing for someone to fill the empty space. But I think about her often, and look forward to seeing her during the day. What do you think? can sometimes lead to a sort of paralysis, because you are thinking so much, you forget to act on your thoughts. What you describe sounds like a real crush. Really, the purpose or function of this crush doesn’t matter. Are you experiencing it because you need to fill a void after your mother’s death? Possibly, but, so what? This is a gift to you, because a few times a day, when you think about this girl or see her in the school hallway, your crush is pulling you toward life, and the healing powers of joy. Enjoy these feelings to the fullest. I sincerely hope that this crush is mutual, but even if it isn’t, the crush itself is like a bud in the springtime, reminding you that — through good and bad times — life goes on, and moments of joy are right around the corner. Quoting one of my heroes, Joseph Campbell: “Life is a wonderful, wonderful opera, except that it hurts.” Another famous lesson from Mr. Campbell is, “Follow your bliss.” This crush is giving you moments of bliss, and I hope you will follow it and see where it takes you.

Dear Amy: The letter from “So Distressed” distressed me greatly! She was considering marrying her violent and abusive ex, for the third time! Some people just never learn, I guess.

Dear Stunned: People who have been subjected to long-term, systematic abuse lose their humanity and judgment over time. I’m glad “Distressed” wrote to me, and I hope she gained strength from my answer.