Adult seeking way to heal after childhood trauma

Dear Amy: I was a victim of sexual abuse, starting when I was 4 years old. I was first raped when I was 7. As a result, I (to my frustration and shame) became very promiscuous as a young teen and into adulthood. I have allowed myself to be abused physically, emotionally and sexually my entire life.

I have battled drug addiction and shame for, first, what was done to me, and then because of my shame at my own behaviors afterward. I am following a much better path now. I'm 36 and have lost so much of my life. At one point, I tried to kill myself.

I know how terrible it all sounds. If I were to listen to my story from anyone else, my heart would break for them. But for myself, I am impatient and frustrated with how I have wasted my life. How do I forgive myself?

Dear Trying: For survivors of abuse, certainly at the scale you experienced, shame, guilt and anger are the primary emotions you would access.

This is because your childhood was stolen from you, and your emotional development was arrested before it was even formed.

You are experiencing many of the signs and symptoms of childhood sexual trauma. The abuse was not your fault. Repeat this until you believe it, and for the rest of your life.

You were exploited and then not protected by the adults who were supposed to protect you.

You should receive professional help from a counselor with an expertise in dealing with adult survivors.

As an adult, you need to learn to reclaim your life -- and learn, step by step, how to lead a healthy life of integrity and purpose.

The Wings Foundation serves to connect adult survivors of childhood abuse with therapists and support groups. Check their website at wingsfound.org. Dear Amy: Bravo for your response to "Worried Widower!" Like Worried's daughter, I grew up with only my dad, who told me the "facts of life."

Thank goodness my dad was so honest and compassionate when I first got my period!

I was so confused and anxious, and he was just really calm and sweet.

Dear Grateful: Any -- and every -parent should be honest with their children about sex, sexuality and reproduction.