Formerly addicted daughter is a burden to parents
Dear Amy: My daughter is two years sober from her heroin addiction, and she lives at home with us.
She moved home after hitting rock bottom and finally agreeing to enter recovery.
Recovery has been a difficult process, but it is an extraordinary accomplishment, and we are very proud of her!
She deals with anxiety, depression, ADHD, LD, OCD and an eating disorder. She has lost all of her friends, a nice boyfriend and the respect of many family members.
Her father and I are all she has left at this point.
The thing is, I can’t stand living with her anymore. I actually dislike her much of the time.
At certain times of the day, before her meds kick in, she can be a really wretched person, and even on a good day, she can be negative and unpleasant.
We have been to counseling and NAMI, but can’t find a workable solution for us.
She is not physically and emotionally able to work more than a part-time job, and we can’t afford to support her in her own place.
I feel that we are stuck with her forever, and I resent coming home after a long day at work to her in the house!
She is my child and I am supposed to love her, but I don’t feel any compassion anymore.
What to do?
Dear Frustrated: I wonder if there is a (relatively) inexpensive way you can perhaps modify your home so that you and your spouse have more privacy, while still maintaining a supportive proximity to your daughter. Some drywall and a small kitchen unit (available for less than $1,000) might transform her living space into an efficiency.
Continuing her recovery with a goal of perhaps transitioning to a sober living house might give all of you something to aim for — her drug counselor or therapist could furnish you with additional ideas.
It is vital that you find ways to take care of yourselves during this very stressful caregiving time. Getting together with other caregivers through a “friends and family” support group like Nar-Anon (naranon.org) will connect you with other caregivers who can also offer strategies and support.