Unhappy employee frets over overdue job change

Dear Amy: I have spent the last seven years working in the same small department in a relatively small company (80 employees).

My title has changed a couple of times since I have been here, and my responsibilities have increased over the years, but the basic structure of my job is static.

I am very unhappy in my job. Major factors include a brilliant but short-tempered and inconsistent boss, my insecurities, the lack of a substantive raise, boredom and the erosion of the wall I built for myself between work and home life (late-night phone calls out of the blue, scheduling conference calls for 7:30 a.m., etc.).

Although I stand up for myself, my protestations are never wellreceived, and I cannot expect any support from my boss.

I am expecting a child (my third) in the spring, and I plan not to return after my maternity leave.

I plan to take a year and a half to upgrade my professional qualifications, and then return to the workforce when I can find a position that offers better work-life balance without too much of a pay cut.

The thing is, I am freaking out about this decision.

My thoughts are all muddy. On the one hand, I feel like if I only made myself focus better, work harder, be more on the ball, I would have a greater sense of satisfaction from my work, my boss would be happier, the boredom and insecurity would go away and I would not have to leave a job that is impressive (on paper).

On the other hand, I also feel that I am not treated with respect, that fault will always be found in my work rather than giving me my due, that my boss' expectations are inconsistent and unrealistic and that I have coped with this as well as anyone possibly could.

How do I sort through these conflicting feelings to arrive at some peace of mind? Dear Worried: I don't think you should sort through these conflicted feelings. I think you should just make a decision to change jobs, and then do so.

You have put in a respectable seven years with this employer. Your professional goals and skills have outpaced both your job satisfaction and your compensation.

The environment at your current job seems to have broken your spirit. The antidote to your insecurity is not to tie yourself into tighter knots to please a boss who can't be satisfied, but to find rewarding work elsewhere.