Grandmother’s testimony leads to murder charge

Dear Amy: My 21-year-old grandson, who lives in another state, has let it be known to everyone that I’m responsible for his mother facing a murder charge.

When the police phoned to inform me that my daughter was missing and was being sought in a murder case, I answered all of their questions truthfully, fearing that she might have also been shot.

I was in shock and volunteered some information that I should not have, such as that my daughter had previously made threats against the victim.

I had no idea my comments on the phone were being recorded. Now they are part of the pre-trial transcripts, and my words will be used against my daughter in court. My grandson, who is almost like a son to me, always looked up to me as a role model.

That he would now denigrate my reputation among family members is extremely hurtful. I’m already devastated that my daughter would commit such a horrible act. Should I try to make him understand that I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, trying to give the police enough information to help locate his mother before the unfolding tragedy was compounded further?

Or, should I not try to explain myself and hope time will heal this rift?

Dear Heartbroken: You are not responsible for your daughter facing a murder charge — she is.

I hope you won’t apologize for telling the truth to law enforcement. Please, think of the victim, here. That person’s family — at the very least — deserves the truth, and for their family member’s accused murderer to face justice.

Granted, to a large extent, you are all victims, because (if she is guilty) your daughter’s actions have destroyed two families.

Understand this: Your grandson is acting out. Reach out to him, and tell him that you understand he is hurting, because you are hurting, too. Remind him that you love him — that you always have and always will — and that you cannot understand or defend his mother’s actions. Tell him that you know that he loves and is loyal to his mother, and that his love and loyalty will help her. Reiterate that you told the truth to law enforcement, because it was the right thing to do and that you don’t regret being honest.