‘Lucy’ or ‘Seinfeld’: Which tops TV laughs?

Today is the 67th anniversary of one small step for women, one giant leap for entertainment.

“I Love Lucy” debuted on CBS, and TV would never be the same.

It basically invented the situation comedy and the rerun, not to mention syndication and female empowerment on TV.

With all due respect to Archie Bunker, Homer Simpson, Hawkeye Pierce, “Saturday Night Live” and the crew at “Friends,” if there were an NCAA tournament for TV comedies, it would come down to two people: Lucille Ball and Jerry Seinfeld. “I Love Lucy” vs. “Seinfeld.” Feel free to disagree, of course. Any “Greatest” proclamation is subjective, and the main criterion here is what made me laugh.

Then there are minor considerations like timelessness, cultural impact and whether it affected America’s water supply.

The water commissioner in Toledo, Ohio, could tell when “I Love Lucy” came on. Water usage increased 13 percent during commercials, which was when everybody went to the bathroom.

Department stores like Marshall Field’s also closed early. There was just no competing with Lucy, Ricky, Fred and Ethel.

The world didn’t grind to a halt 40 years later when Seinfeld came on. But it seemed all anyone talked about the next day was nothing.

Yes, Seinfeld and co-creator Larry David billed it as a show about nothing. But they turned mundanity into comedy gold and altered America’s vocabulary along the way.

Shrinkage! The Puffy Shirt. The Soup Nazi. The Close Talker. No double dipping!

Twenty years after the show went off the air millions of people still know what those phrases mean.

Of course, 61 years after “I Love Lucy” left the air, people still crack up over Lucy and Ethel having to stuff chocolates in their mouths and clothes on the assembly line, Lucy’s grape-stomp that went terribly wrong and her encounter with Harpo Marx.

Quality slapstick never goes out of style, though “I Love Lucy” was far more than a silly laugh riot. America bonded with the Ricardos and Lucy’s perpetual desire to be more than a housewife.

Her exploits drove Ricky batty, but his affection was always more than his frustration. The genuine love came to life with the story of Little Ricky, and how Ball and Desi Arnaz Jr. insisted that her pregnancy be part of the show.

Until then such a topic was taboo. CBS banned the word “pregnant” in favor of “expecting.” Philip Morris requested that Lucy not be seen smoking in any scenes during her pregnancy, er,