Woman's partner of three years hates her children

Dear Amy: I'm 51 years old, and have been in a relationship for over three years with a man who hates my grown daughter and her 10-year-old son (my grandson).

My daughter was 16 when she had my grandson. The two of them lived with me for a few years. She eventually got into low-income housing. She doesn't drink, smoke or party. She works hard, and struggles to get by.

I pay for her car insurance and phone bill. My boyfriend says this takes away from us.

I own my own house, my car is paid for and I pay my bills. I also have savings. He pays for the electric and heat at the house. I buy 90 percent of the groceries.

He has moved out three times in the last year, and says it is because of her. He's mean to my grandson. He can't even look at my daughter.

They don't know the whole truth, but I'm sure they feel his tension.

I love him, but I feel it's none of his business what I do for my kids.

He has three kids and only has a relationship with one of his kids — the others won't speak to him. Do I need to get him out of my life? Dear Put-Upon: I take it as a given that every story has two sides. Maybe you enable your daughter in ways you haven't described. Maybe your daughter and grandson are openly disrespectful toward your boyfriend.

However, none of this matters, really, because judging from the tone and content of your question; you don't actually love this guy. And frankly, from your description, he sounds quite unlovable: He doesn't pull his own weight. He bullies you. He is an enemy to your meaningful family relationships. And he keeps leaving you.

Keep your daughter and grandson. Give this guy the boot.

Dear Readers: Family estrangement is a serious (and frequent) topic discussed in this space.

Karl Pillemer, a researcher at Cornell University, is studying the experiences of family members who have had an estrangement, but who have reconciled with one another. The goal is to learn more about how estrangements can be healed.

I encourage any readers who are experiencing — or have experienced — family estrangement to consider participating in this study. You can share stories of family reconciliation — or ask to be interviewed about your own family estrangement — at their website: familyreconciliation.org.