Sorry, Fla. keeps screwing up politics

On election night, the Republican candidate for Florida’s agriculture commissioner declared victory.

It was all very exciting for him … until the vote totals flipped and his Democratic opponent declared victory four days later.

If the Olympics were run like Florida elections, the skaters and skiers would swap medals after the closing ceremony.

Meanwhile, votes in two other races — for governor and U.S. Senate — are being counted at a pace that makes a tranquilized snail look speedy, while also generating headlines like: “Whoops! Brenda Snipes' office mixed bad provisional ballots with good ones.”

“Whoops” is a word you never want to see in stories about election results. Especially in Broward County’s hot mess of an office.

Not to be outdone, an elections supervisor up in Bay County revealed Monday that he allowed citizens in that storm-ravaged part of the state to vote by email, even though the state told supervisors before the election that “Voting by fax or email is not an option ...”

So we have a Democratic supervisor mixing up her counts and a Republican supervisor counting ballots that may be illegitimate and gobs of lawsuits.

Meanwhile, we’re a full week past the election and we still don’t have winners.

So before we go any further, I’d like to pen this open note to my fellow countrymen. Dear America, Sorry we keep screwing up Democracy.

Our state is the reason we can’t have nice things.

Truly, if you gave Florida voters a choice between sunshine and a nuclear holocaust, we’d probably be close enough for a recount. (And at least 10 percent of South Florida would somehow end up voting for both. Or maybe labradoodles.)

Yeah, it’s a mess. But one thing I’ve learned about voting: It is messy. Almost always.

There are imperfections — improperly filled ballots, questionable signatures, ballot-design flaws, unqualified voters and mistakes by election workers.

And not just in Florida. Everywhere. You can’t expect 100 million people to do anything perfectly.

It’s just that we don’t see the rough-around-theedges flaws unless the results come down to razor-thin margins … which Floridians seem to produce with ridiculous consistency.

So, when these close results happen, we need calm, diplomatic leaders.

Instead we have Gov. Rick Scott screaming about “rampant fraud” in Florida.

Scott actually asked his own state police to investigate the election and impound voting machines — acts you might normally

expect in Turkmenistan.

On Sunday, perplexed Fox News anchor Chris Wallace asked: “Governor, do you have any hard evidence that there was actual fraud or is actual fraud going on?”

You know you’re in trouble when you’re a Republican on Fox and the host basically asks: Whatchu talking ‘bout, Willis?

Scott was right to fuss when Democratic lawyers objected to tossing out ballots from noncitizens. (Um, no.) But their objections went nowhere.

And an irony is that Scott will almost certainly emerge victorious. Sorry, Dems. But it’s true. Recounts rarely overcome margins this wide.

So Scott should butt out in his gubernatorial capacity. It’s sketchy when government leaders try to commandeer their own elections. Scott’s lawyers can watch and fight the same way Democrat Bill Nelson’s can.

I agree Broward needs oversight. Hell, it might need to be overthrown. The office has a history of problems that would trouble anyone … except apparently the people who live there and keep re-electing the same voting chief.

But so far, there hasn’t been any evidence of fraud there in this race. In fact, the closest thing might be Bay County’s email ballots … something the governor hasn’t made a peep about.

But that doesn’t require screaming either. And it

sure doesn’t mean this state should stop counting legally cast votes … which is what our Commander in Chief suggested for Florida.

“An honest vote count is no longer possible-ballots massively infected,” Donald Trump tweeted Monday night. “Must go with Election Night!”

Yet, while Trump wants to stop counting ballots in Florida — where Republicans lead — he proposed a different remedy in Arizona, where the Democrat leads a similarly close and messy race for U.S. Senate: “Call for a new election?”

Just stop. The South Florida judge had it right Monday when he ordered both sides to “ramp down the rhetoric.”

This is what happens when partisan tribalism takes over. The reality is that you can want every vote counted AND think the Broward office is a five-alarm dumpster fire.

The solution isn’t to dismiss legitimate votes. It’s to watch closely, demand transparency, not overreact and remember this country has a proud and enviable system of fair and open elections that I’d like to think even Florida can’t break. Love, Florida