Cake-cutter’s kookiness makes co-workers cross

How on earth do you cut a piece from the middle while keeping the rest intact?

Dear Miss Manners: I work in a fire station among people who, 99 percent of the time, could care less about any form of etiquette.

Due to the public’s appreciation of our services and lots of birthdays and social events, the station is a dumping ground for cake. We get at least two a week.

I know that most people cut cake working from the outside toward the inside or center. Where is the rule that states “Thou shalt begin to consume cake from the outside edge and progressively whittle closer to the interior”?

Every time we receive a cake, I always try to be the first person to take a sample. I never cut out squares or pie shapes; I always carve out an oblong shape and always in the MIDDLE of the cake, thus leaving the outer perimeter intact.

Whenever I do this, my coworkers seem perturbed and act as if the cake is ruined. But, without fail, they end up completely consuming the cake.

What am I missing? I can’t think of any other food dish where an item is expected to be cut in a certain way. I’m retiring in a year and would love to set this conflict to rest before I go.

Gentle reader: How on earth do you cut a piece from the middle while keeping the rest intact? And why would you want to? Is it really worth the effort this must take just to prove a weirdly specific and irksome point to your co-workers? Or more likely, to play a hoax on Miss Manners?

Your co-workers are likely challenging your technique because it is leaving them with a thoroughly touched and mangled cake in your wake. In hopes of your properly enjoying your retirement, however, Miss Manners suggests that you cut a large piece of cake for yourself, big enough for you to create whatever fun shapes you want in it afterward. Then, please, just leave the rest of it alone.

Dear Miss Manners: In planning my wedding, my mom said that people do not have open bars at weddings, and that it was foolish to think about having one. Are they obsolete?

Gentle reader: No, but neither are they obligatory. Miss Manners only insists that whatever your guests are given to drink — tea? punch? champagne? liquor? — they not be charged. Dear Miss Manners: I have two nieces and a nephew who are each getting married within a short period of time. The first two had modest local weddings. The third is having a much more glamorous destination wedding. I want to keep all things equal and not play favorites, but should I give him more in a gift because his wedding is costing him more?

Gentle reader: If you believe that wedding guests are obliged to reflect the bridal couple’s finances, surely it would be kinder to give more to those who could afford only the more modest wedding. But Miss Manners allows no such consideration, one way or the other. A wedding present should be something you think will please the couple and that you can afford.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners .com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.