Simple apology easiest way to explain a wayward text
Dear Miss Manners: This afternoon, my spouse asked me to text our new roommate the location of the thermostat so he could turn on the air conditioner while we were out. I accidentally sent the text to a completely different person (the dog groomer). I sent another text to her explaining the previous text should be ignored, and sent the original text on to the intended recipient.
But this got me wondering: Is there a specific etiquette rule on what to do if a message is sent to the wrong person? This text was innocuous, but I sometimes send racier texts to my spouse. What if one of those went astray?
Gentle reader: This, it seems to Miss Manners, is an excellent argument for not sending saucy texts. But far be it from her to intrude on anyone’s fun. If a wayward text is sent, a simple apology and redirect is all that is necessary.
Dear Miss Manners: For 50plus years, I went to work in jeans and T-shirts. Typically, the only winter coat I could afford was an insulated sweatshirt.
But a few years ago, at age 67, I landed my dream job. It pays well too. It is amusing that, even though my work ethic and abilities did not change one whit, people view me differently because of the title, the secretary and the clothes.
How would you recommend I answer questions such as: “What a lovely dress; what is it made of?” or “Where did you get those fabulous shoes?”
I would prefer to deflect these questions, but brushing them off seems patronizing.
Gentle reader: Not every question has to be answered, and not every answer has to be relevant. Miss Manners can suggest a variety of remarks to make — “I’m glad you like it,” “Thank you; it’s really soft,” “They’re comfortable too” — before you change the subject to the day’s business.
Dear Miss Manners: I have a dear friend in another country whom I correspond with regularly via email. We talk of life and love and her children and personal dilemmas, and do our best to lean on each other from a distance.
However, as our relationship carries on and new situations arise, she (a devout Christian) has increased her inclusion of religious thoughts and ideals, as well as Bible passages and, if I’m honest, quite a bit of pious preaching. While I love and respect her devotion, I find myself increasingly uncomfortable, and my responses are obviously glossing over her religious topics by a mile.
How do I broach the subject without damaging our lovely correspondence?
Gentle reader: That the usual method of turning away from discussion of religion would be difficult here, Miss Manners can see. Declaring your religious views personal might seem odd to someone with whom you discuss love, family, and whatever else you mean by “personal dilemmas.”
You can still do it if you put it on yourself: “I find I’m not really able to talk about religion.” But as your friend evidently considers it relevant to all aspects of her life, it would be easier just to fail to respond on that subject while you address other matters.
Dear Miss Manners: Due to my own carelessness in not writing an entry on my calendar for a housewarming/ birthday party, I forgot about it. The invitation from our friends was through social media, to which I had responded that I would attend.
My most important concern is what to say to apologize without sounding like the party was of such little importance that I could have forgotten it. A secondary concern is the medium to use to apologize: private message through a social media channel, or handwritten note sent via mail.
I think that I know your answer (note via mail), but is it ever acceptable to express apologies (or thanks) electronically?
Gentle reader: Taking the time to write and post a letter, in addition to being the proper thing, will increase your chances of obtaining forgiveness. Miss Manners allows electronic correspondence for actions requiring the most minimal thanks. But as minimal apologies are not likely to sound genuine, she is hardpressed to think of a case in which they would be either proper or effective.
The letter should demonstrate your remorse by showing your would-be hosts that you condemn yourself more than they ever could. Expressing horror at your own thoughtlessness and the deepest contrition should do it.
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners .com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.