7 myths about what it takes to raise successful adults
The college admissions scandal this spring pointed out what many people already know: Parents are stressed out, worrying that they aren’t doing everything correctly. They’re fretting that their kids won’t get into the “right” college. And kids are stressed because of all the pressure put on them.
Perhaps because of myths about what is involved in raising successful kids, snowplow parents clear all obstacles from children’s paths; helicopter parents hover, overseeing every aspect of their kids’ lives; and tiger moms pressure their kids to achieve perfection, both in school and out.
But parents need to pause, step back and consider what it really takes to raise successful, happy, confident kids. I interviewed 60 successful entrepreneurs and their parents to find out, and in the process discovered these seven common misconceptions.
Parents think their kids have to get into a top college to be successful, so they put pressure on their kids to get good grades. They don’t realize that kids who excel in one area — which is often outside the classroom — will be fine. This can compensate for less-than-stellar grades. Many entrepreneurs weren’t appreciated in school because they have a different learning style; they often don’t like to “color within the lines.”
Be supportive of what your child loves. Parents believe their kids have to follow the same path that worked for them: Get good grades in everything, go to a good college, get a good job. That may work for some. For others it doesn’t. Even if a career doesn’t flow directly from their high school passion, the grit and confidence kids develop by getting really good at something they love will hold them in good stead.
Children who are given responsibility learn they can do important things. Children who are trusted to fix their mistakes gain confidence that they have the skills to succeed. Letting kids solve a problem by themselves equips them to tackle challenges when they’re grown up.
It’s easy to tell which young kids will become leaders. Certainly, some future entrepreneurs have been taking charge since their days on the playground. But just as many didn’t blossom until much later. Jenna Arnold wasn’t popular in high school and told her mom, “I can’t take these girls anymore. I’ve found an international exchange program and I’m going to Spain.” Her mom let her go. Today, Jenna is the co-founder of ORGANIZE, the country’s top registry for organ transplants.
Children should grow up without adversity. Many of the entrepreneurs I spoke to overcame real problems growing up: A family member was very sick and even died; their parents lost jobs; their parents divorced; they had serious learning issues. They learned they had the ability to fight, to come back, and to keep going. This gave them the confidence to solve problems on their own.
Birth order is important. When I started researching, someone said, “I bet all the entrepreneurs are ‘firsts’ or ‘onlies.’ ” In fact, all the entrepreneurs told me that coming later in birth order was also an advantage, often because it meant they were given more freedom. The kids whose parents didn’t hover became more entrepreneurial. Sometimes they were first, but often they were second or third or fourth.
Entrepreneurs choose their careers to make money. Successful companies are often founded to make a difference in the world. If entrepreneurs don’t believe in what they’re doing, how will they survive the 18-hour days, the funding worries and the uncertainties of the marketplace? Blake Mycoskie founded TOMS, which has given away millions of shoes. Method co-founder Eric Ryan started his cleaning products company because he didn’t think the available choices were good for the environment. They care about contributing to the world and didn’t make important choices based solely on money.