Be humble, helpful when schooling co-workers

of tact, humility and helpful mnemonics is essential here — both for making your point and for having it stick. Miss Manners suggests a memo to the company with something like, “I know that there has been some confusion about the proper spelling of my name, so I wanted to let everyone know that it is, in fact, Meghan, like the duchess. I will update the database.”

And then, perhaps, invest in a name plaque for your desk so that passersby can surreptitiously check when they inevitably forget.

Dear Miss Manners: I have a dear friend who is celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary. I’ve offered to help throw her a party after it became clear her kids wouldn’t be doing that.

But we could have a problem on our hands. She has invited 100 or so friends to a resort, and wants everyone to join her and her husband for dinner. I’m putting together her invitations and doing all the coordinating.

She has instructed me that she wants this to be a no-host dinner — she’s inviting people who will be paying hotel, transportation and other expenses in a pricey area — and then asking them to pay their way through dinner, as well. It’s a little awkward, and I can’t help wondering how she will be received.

Gentle reader: Your friend has co-opted you into abetting her own rudeness: One does not throw parties to honor oneself, much less expect other people to pay for them.

Miss Manners sees that, having come this far, you cannot easily back out. But she suggests you think of yourself as the servant — a passive, and therefore not responsible, pair of hands — while cultivating an inconspicuous disposition.

Dear Miss Manners: We are a retired couple who received an invitation that reads: “John and Jane Doe request the honor of your presence to celebrate Event 1, Event 2, Event 3.” (All of the above already occurred when we got the invitation.) “RSVP. Dress to impress.” We are not familiar with “dress to impress.” What is the correct attire for such an occasion? Is this a new term?

Gentle reader: While your would-be hosts did not themselves invent “dress to impress,” they, like everyone else using the phrase, have failed to supply a useful definition.

Miss Manners does not count “Oh, wear whatever makes you comfortable” — the likely answer to a closer inquiry — as useful. She is inclined to say that those who invent vocabulary have only themselves to blame when the people with whom they are supposedly communicating cannot divine the intended meaning.

But she realizes that this still leaves the would-be guest standing in front of the closet with a blank expression. If the host truly cannot supply a meaning, then consult with other guests, if possible, and dress for the occasion. Fortunately, in this case your host has spared you from any consequences by sending the invitation after the events occurred.

Dear Miss Manners: I paid in advance when I gave a dinner party for 30 people for a special occasion, and only 26 people attended. Would it have been OK to ask to take the four extra dinners home? Or is it not permissible?

Gentle reader: Your relationship with the guests who did not attend is governed by a different set of manners from your relationship with the establishment you paid to feed them. The latter is a matter of business, meaning that if you paid for 30 meals, it is not unreasonable to expect to receive 30 meals. Miss Manners says this while recognizing that the higher class the establishment considers itself to be, the harder they will make it to take possession of the leftover pot roast.