His politics may be her deal-breaker
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of a few months is one of the most caring, sweetest and genuine guys I have ever met. He’s not just nice to me, but I’ve observed his behavior toward strangers, waitresses, friends, colleagues, etc.
He also supports the president and loathes the Democratic Party. He is a permanent resident whose family emigrated from a country led by a dictator 52 years ago. I am the opposite. I was born in this country 47 years ago. I’m not too political, yet I do speak up, rally and let elected officials know when the causes I support are being infringed upon.
I do not agree with the current administration on anything. He and I do not talk politics much, but we do talk daily about common interests, and we spend our available time with one another.
Our chemistry is undeniably intense, and while we have not said “I love you” to one another, he has both written and said how much he cares about me.
The only other supporter of this president I allow in my life is a family member who is like a mom to me.
Do you think I am crazy if I continue this relationship? — SDJ in the Northeast
Dear SDJ: I don’t think you’re crazy at all. He might eventually wonder what he is doing with someone who is so closedminded, however.
He “loathes the Democratic Party.” That’s covering a pretty broad spectrum, but according to you, he hates the ideology — not necessarily the people.
You, however, seem to say that you ought to reject any individual who supports this administration. You’ve made an exception for two people — both of whom you love. So, if you love a person, you will give them a pass regarding their political beliefs.
Headed into this heated political year, ask yourself: What if I loved everyone? What if I reflexively loved everyone, and let them into my life, even people who hold opinions I loathe?
Granted, there are people who espouse hatred and violence toward fellow humans. If you believe that support for the administration automatically places your boyfriend into this category, then you should steer clear of him.
One of the (many) unfortunate aspects of the current political divisiveness in our country is the way both sides characterize the other as “bad, evil, disgusting,” etc. Because this is the incendiary language the president uses, the country seems to have followed suit. But, maybe you’re better than that. And maybe your guy is, too.
Dear Amy: I have a coworker who became a friend. But she and I seem to have misunderstandings. We got into a fight, to a point where she told me never to text or call her again. She told me, “We can’t be friends, or I will escalate things and report to the boss.”
I gave in and let her have her space. We didn’t talk for about a month.
Then she came back from a trip and offered me cookies she brought from her trip. She came to my desk and told me to pick whichever I wanted.
From that day on, she started talking to me again. She started texting me for favors. I still have not texted her back.
I don’t know what to think. I asked her recently if she sees me as a friend, and she said yes, but I don’t really believe her. I don’t want to get hurt again, but I do miss her.
What should I do? — Workfriend
Dear Workfriend: Your pal seems to be trying to make amends, without actually addressing the direct threat she made to you. No, I don’t think you should trust her. If she overreacted when she promised to report you to the boss, then she should acknowledge this and ask you to forgive her.
Until then, consider yourself burned, and keep your contact strictly professional.
Dear Amy: “Looking for Answers” was an adopted woman who was rebuffed after contacting her birth family. I was disgusted by your response. You suggested that she get a lawyer involved. Why, exactly? — Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: My answer was long and nuanced. At the end, I suggested that if she wanted to explore her legal options, if any, she should contact a lawyer. For someone seeking answers, this would be the last resort.