Tell guests who want to dictate menu to host

I bend to their requests?

Gentle reader: Strange that your friends are more interested in host manners than guest manners, considering that they are guests.

Menus have become battlegrounds now that people care more about what they eat than with whom they eat. And while it is true that hosts should make reasonable accommodations to guests’ food restrictions and preferences, that is not license for guests to order their food as if they were in a restaurant.

As you invite these friends often, you are presumably generally familiar with their preferences. Of course you will use that information to try to please them. But guest manners require them to appreciate that without dictating to you.

If they want specific meals, why don’t they invite you for dinner?

Dear Miss Manners: I have been dating a wonderful man for a while, but he has the unfortunate habits of loudly chewing with his mouth open and not covering his mouth when sneezing.

When I first noticed his chewing, before I could think of how to tactfully say anything, he offered up a story about how his unpleasant stepmother used to embarrass him in public by telling him to chew with his mouth shut, and how it caused him great anxiety and how traumatic it was to have it called to everyone’s attention. He said he did it because he had trouble breathing due to allergies.

When he has repeated this behavior I asked if his allergies were bothering him, instead of directly mentioning that his mouth was open, but he always said no and continued to masticate clamorously.

As he has intense anxiety issues in other areas, I am afraid to bluntly discuss the issue after the story about his stepmother. I’ve also noticed he sneezes without covering his mouth or nose, which I find quite disgusting. When he did so in a closed car with me, I directly asked him to please cover his mouth when he sneezed, to which he replied he hadn’t had time, but he has continued the behavior both indoors and out.

Is there any way to salvage these manners?

Gentle reader: Your boyfriend knows his behavior is unpleasant, indefensible — and that it bothers you.

Express horror that his stepmother would have corrected his behavior in public, but understanding that she was trying to protect him from the revulsion many people have to such behavior. You would never publicly embarrass him, but you care about him too deeply not to say anything in private.