Don’t say, ‘I am not a racist’

COMMENTARY man bird-watching in Central Park, what Roseanne Barr said after likening a black woman to an ape, what white folks always say when caught with their hands in this cookie jar.

For the love of Heaven, please don’t say, “I am not a racist.”

So what should that person say instead? Glad you asked. Here’s a template for future apologies:

“I am profoundly sorry for what I said or did. I apologize to the people I hurt. There is no excuse.

“I won’t insult your intelligence by saying ‘I am not a racist’ because I know I am. As a white person in a society where every institution is geared to advantage people like me, it is literally impossible for me to be anything else. In that, I am like a man in a male-dominated society. He cannot help being sexist, his good intentions notwithstanding. Saying he’s not sexist is like a fish saying he’s not wet. Many of us as white people struggle with that. That’s because we process racism as a loathsome character defect, when really, it’s the water in which we swim.

“No, the question is not whether we are racist, but what kind of racist we will be. Will we be the overt kind, whose behavior marks her from a mile away? In many ways, her very obviousness makes her the least dangerous. Will we be the racist in denial, who thinks that because he doesn’t use racial slurs and eats lunch with a black guy at work, he’s all good? He’s ultimately the most dangerous, because his racism is reflected in implicit bias but otherwise hidden, even from himself.

“Or will we be the racist in remission who knows good intentions are not enough, that he must consciously commit not simply to being nonracist, but actively anti-racist? That’s what I aspire to and what I hope I achieve more often than not. But when I said or did the offending thing, I fell short. That doesn’t reflect my intentions or my best self. So I ask your forgiveness.

“Like all of us, I’m only human. I will try to do better next time.”