Man sees her jealousy as dare to cheat

Dear Amy: My girlfriend is very jealous and doesn’t see it! She has gone through my phone and found photos that I forgot I even had because they were taken years ago. She doesn’t trust me to spend time by myself.

I even share my location with her through iPhone, but she says that when I go to the store that she doesn’t know if that’s where I’m really going.

If I’m getting accused of cheating without even doing it, why not just cheat and get it over with? I don’t have a shortage of offers.

She’s very insecure because I have been with a lot of girls. I’m a goodlooking guy, as I constantly hear from women, but there’s a lot more to me than being aesthetically pleasing. I have a good heart, I’m genuine, I’m cuddly and affectionate, and I have a slew of other good qualities.

My girlfriend is also highly dependent on me being in bed with her every night to be able to sleep.

Her soon-to-be exhusband made her spend a lot of time alone because he’s a scumbag, and she’s taking what he did out on me. We live together.

How can we communicate better?

— Upset Guy

Dear Upset: Given your healthy ego and your knowledge that you are God’s gift to all women, it’s a wonder that you are interested in staying in a relationship with a (still married) woman who doesn’t trust you.

Your girlfriend’s insecurities are amplified by your own sexual history. You believe that she is daring you to cheat — and you are obviously capable of fulfilling that dare — but maybe she is daring you not to cheat. Jealousy is insidious. As a partner, you deserve to be trusted without a tracking device.

Communication involves talking during calm moments, eye contact, positive reinforcement and consistent actions backing up your statements.

If your girlfriend asked me, I’d say it’s probably too soon for her to bounce into a live-in relationship before she has ended and recovered from her marriage to Mr. Scumbag.

Making your current partner pay for your previous partner’s behavior is a rookie mistake, and people do this when they don’t really know who they are and what they want. A couples counselor could help.

Try reading, “The Jealousy Cure: Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness, and Save Your Relationship,” by Robert Leahy and Paul Gilbert (2018, New Harbinger). The authors use tools of cognitive behavioral therapy to affect behavioral change.

Dear Amy: My niece, “Katherine,” is 25 years old. She is newly engaged to her fiancé. They’ve been together for four years.

Katherine is very materialistic. She took her engagement ring to be appraised because she didn’t believe that her fiancé had paid $5,000 for it.

I see no trust in this marriage. What say you?

— Worried Aunt

Dear Worried: You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Trust, but verify” — first popularized by Ronald Reagan regarding Russian nuclear disarmament.

Ideally, marriage should not start out with this level of skepticism, but fortunately, this matter is really none of your business, so — whew! What a relief; you needn’t worry about it.

Dear Amy: “Shylingual,” wondered if it was OK for her, a white woman, to practice her Spanish with Spanish-speaking people.

I am a housekeeping manager at a high-end retirement community, and my entire staff has come to this country at some point in their lives.

English is not their native language, so whenever one of our elderly residents speaks to them in their native tongue, these ladies just light up. I’ve seen them excitedly tell their fellow countrywomen about the experience.

These elderly residents and the immigrant housekeeping staff may not have much in common, but when they make a connection with something as common as language, it’s a beautiful thing.

Shylingual should keep trying to make that connection. We should all be brave enough to do something to help break down barriers.

— Love My Job

Dear Love My Job: I’ve received hundreds of responses to this question — most agree that any attempts at connection are important.