Introvert feels smothered by friends’ constant check-ins
IDear Miss Manners: live in New York and am lucky to have many friends concerned for me during the pandemic (particularly from my home country, which is far less affected). I say “lucky,” but initially, I was drowning in their concern. At one stage, I received messages from people I hadn’t heard from for years, and requests for video calls from morning to night, which I was unable to keep up with. At the same time, countless “buddy check” text groups sprung up, with each social group requiring a check-in.
I’m still working, plus many of my friends are at home and contacting me at awkward hours. Over time, I’ve been able to gently convince some to back off — reminding them that I’m well, happy, still employed, have a safe home and am an introvert who likes isolation.
After spending my whole workday on video calls, this introvert really just needs some quiet time, and I don’t want to blog every day. However, if some extroverted acquaintances don’t see a social media post from me, they’ll send multiple messages asking if I’m OK and attempt to call. I set my phone to do-not-disturb after 7 p.m. so that I don’t hear the calls. They immediately text an “RU OK?”
However well meant, it feels really intrusive. I’m not sure what to do, short of simply ignoring these people entirely — which feels very rude.
The presumption that these acquaintances need to do a personal “proof of life” check on me every few days seems absurd.
What on earth can I politely say to get well-meaning people to leave me the heck alone? It seems like a little thing, but I’m at my wits’ end.
Gentle reader: As if there were not enough divisions in society already, COVID-19 has created another: the Doing and the Not-Doing.
In addition to worrying about the disease itself, the Not-Doing are further oppressed by unwanted free time, which often comes at the cost of financial stability. The Doing — a group that includes not just first responders, but also food workers, teachers and civil servants — are working longer hours than ever. The extra work is due to increased need for their services, but it is made harder by the disintegration of any sense of time. Particularly if you are working from home, “9 a.m. to 5 p.m.” no longer provides any protection.
Miss Manners reminds everyone that theirs are not the only frayed nerves. And she absolves you from responsibility for responding to emails, phone calls and texts for some time after you have assured your distant friends that you are grateful for their concern, but you are healthy and that your only problem is that there are no longer enough hours in the day to get everything done.
Dear Miss Manners: Assuming it is edible, is it proper to eat any garnish added to a plate of food?
Gentle reader: If it is on a food platter and is edible, sure. Just promise Miss Manners that you are not reaching for the flowers in the centerpiece.
Dear Miss Manners: I posted on social media that I was excited to have received a stimulus check. One comment on my post said that others were giving their checks to those more in need, “maybe even family members.”
The comment was from the wife of my cousin. She clearly implied that I should consider giving funds to her husband, whom she has long been separated from, and from whom she is financially independent. (Her husband scrapes by and, unlike us, was negatively affected by the lockdowns.)
My wife and I disagree about the propriety of the comment. One of us thinks the public solicitation crossed the line. The other thinks the comment placed the wife’s reputation at risk for the benefit of another and so was actually praiseworthy. Your thoughts?
Gentle reader: Demanding that people hand over their money or they will get hurt, where the threat is to harm their reputations rather than their bodies, is the social equivalent of a crime. How the money is then used does not justify the means of getting it.
Miss Manners realizes that she has described a fundraising technique that is used by many charitable organizations.
When she hears the phrase “but it’s for a good cause,” she is sadly aware that the “but” means that rudeness is being cited as a virtue.
However, it is never a good idea to post about your financial gains.
that with at least six months of time and billions of dollars, the WHO, CDC, NIH and other organizations still do not fully understand the COVID-19 virus. We get daily conflicting information. How can that be? There are plenty of cases!
ticked off at people who help stray dogs. You are the perfect example why most people prefer animals to people. How cruel and insensitive can you be?
chipmunk was bad enough, but now we have a hitman trying to sell us cars? Florida TV ads just keep getting worse and worse. Another reason the rest of the country is laughing at us.
it.
ticks me off, but I do
tired of and ticked off by the overplayed and redundant accident attorney commercials during the day on the local TV channels! They use the same old 80’s song in every commercial with different clients who won big! Since the commercials are so annoying this attorney would be the last one I call to represent me if I ever need one! I would select an attorney with more tasteful and less played commercials!
why people on Facebook think that they are inspiring people to change by “yelling” at them, scolding them and trying to shame them. It didn’t work with us as children and it certainly doesn’t work on adults.