Tuffy’s food isn’t the worst
But at least now, they can open
With no foreseeable end to the coronavirus-related restrictions that have plagued bar and brewery owners nationwide, Tuffy’s Bottle Shop caved. They got a food license. Cocktails are still stiff at the Sanford watering hole. Ciders are still dry. Now, so is the pizza.
“If we can keep people safe with a burger in front of them, why not just the drink?” asks Dan St. Pierre, co-owner.
It is rhetorical, reflective of the frustration many in the hospitality industry have expressed: What makes a bar — in particular one with the sprawling indoor/outdoor space that Tuffy’s has — more COVID-dangerous than another venue that also serves liquor, but alongside food?
Speaking of, there are two Styrofoam trays in front of me, compartmentalized and crowded with eats. Jimmy Crawford,
Tuffy’s general manager, wasn’t wearing a lunch lady hair net when he delivered them to the table (that would have been classic!) but he was wearing a mask.
In one: a grilled Havarti cheese — far more visually appealing than I expected — along with a small cup of tomato bisque (from a can), cling peaches (from a can) and some small chocolate chip cookies.
The other is loaded down with tater tots, the same peaches and cookies and two massive rectangles of toaster-oven pizza, gooey with extra mozz that’s clearly added on at pointof-sale.
“We like to church it up!” says St. Pierre.
I take a bite and it is oddly transportive — familiar, chalky-burnt corners, the faint taste of tomato paste, the comforting, warm plasticity of the extra cheese. The tots are … tots.
The peaches, hospitalgrade. I hold a small cookie and feel a hit of déjà vu.
“Are these Famous
Amos?!” I ask.
“They are Famous Amos!” he says with a chuckle, and just like that, it’s 5th period and I’m standing over the snack table at Vernon Middle like a tween vulture, patting myself down for loose change.
I came to Tuffy’s thinking this review would be straight satire. I’d tear the food apart, recommend folks come in, have a few drinks and reject it outright. Tell ‘em to grab something off a food truck if one was around; Tuffy’s partners with good ones, regularly. Maybe walk or grab a free Ride Lime shuttle to one of many nearby restaurants.
But honestly? It wasn’t that bad.
I mean, it’s grilled cheese and cookies. It’s Tony’s Pizza and tots. It’s the same garbage food you’d be eating over the kitchen sink after the Uber dropped you off from a jovial, sweaty stint of Sanfording, anyway. (Yes, “Sanfording” is a verb. Locally.) It’s no worse than say, Hot Pockets. Or pizza rolls. Or Steak-Umm.
After a few drinks — and at just $8 a plate — it could be pretty good. One drink over the line and it might be the best thing you ever ate, if only in the moment.
And in those moments, really, you should eat.
These entrees were the stars of the menu when Tuffy’s debuted their food service a couple of weeks back. St. Pierre made ribs for the big day, as well, a recipe he’s been perfecting for years.
“All week leading up to opening, I was hellbent on these ribs coming out perfectly and it became kind of stressful,” St. Pierre says. “People were like, ‘Just ditch the ribs. The pizza squares are going to be good. Just do a Sloppy Joe or something.’ But I was determined to make them a thing…”
He sold maybe five plates.
“Yeah, I’m not going to sweat that again,” he says, though there will be other specials. He was set to try out pulled pork at press time. The pored-over ribs ended up as ‘family meal’ for staff. He gave away 30 pounds worth. Maybe that will become a new tradition for employees as business gears back up.
Everyone is certainly happy to be back at work, as are Tuffy’s regulars.
The irony that paying for a license to serve lunch lady pizza squares is what allowed for it isn’t lost on St. Pierre. As a working cidery, Tuffy’s already pays for several licenses and must adhere to strict standards for health and cleanliness.
“We didn’t know when this was going to end or how to get through it,” says St. Pierre of the uncertainty businesses like his have been facing amid waffling regulations.
“I have a staff. I have a family. My staff is like family. And they’re looking to me wondering what they’re going to do. They’ve got bills to pay. That pressure — and so many unanswered questions…” he trails off. “If this is what we’ve got to do, we’ll do it.”
Much to the delight of patrons, who ate the place out of churched-up toaster pizza on its first day as a “bar/restaurant.”
Moving forward, the philosophy for food is to “keep it simple.”
“We make drinks here,” says St. Pierre. “We make cider. We sell a lot of beer. We have good cocktails. We’re not trying to win a James Beard Award. This is what it is.”
And after a few of those good cocktails, what an $8 plate of pizza and tots is isn’t the worst.
I still think the servers should wear hairnets, though. I love a good theme.
Want to reach out? Find me on Twitter or Instagram @amydroo or on the OSFoodie Instagram account @orlando.foodie. Email: amthompson@orlandosentinel.com. Join the conversation at the Orlando Sentinel’s new Facebook Forum, Let’s Eat, Orlando.