NO FAST FOOD, JUST FAST CASH
Tennessee coaches let go for alleged payouts to recruits
Running off at the typewriter …
In the wake of the Tennessee Volunteers abruptly firing head football coach Jeremy Pruitt along with nine assistant coaches and staff members for allegedly committing a series of serious NCAA violations, nationally syndicated radio host Dan Patrick quoted a source and reported that UT coaches were putting money into McDonald’s bags and handing them to recruits during visits.
My top five comments on this story:
1. Now that’s what I call a Happy Meal!!!
2. Would you like fries with your
McBribe?
3. The Vols will soon be hammered for a McFlurry of violations.
4. Tennessee coaches are bigger clowns than Ronald McDonald.
5. The McRib is back, but Tennessee football is gone forever.
Let’s everybody sing along now: ”Glad that I’m not on ol’ Rocky Top, Up in the Tennessee hills,
Ain’t no smoggy smoke on Rocky Top, But the NCAA’s givin’ us chills! Rocky Top, you’ll always be,
Home sweet home to me,
Good ol’ Rocky Top,
Where recruits get Big Macs and Big Stacks (of cash) for free!!!”
Short stuff: Did you see where just-fired former Jacksonville Jaguars head coach Doug Marrone is the new offensive line coach for Nick Saban at Alabama? Who knew Marrone would be getting a promotion? … Mikey likes: Bucs over Packers by four in Upset Special I, Bills over Chiefs by five in Upset Special II, Philip Rivers over Warren Moon by 14,115 more career passing yards and 130 more career TD passes as best quarterback to never reach a Super Bowl . ... Speaking of Rivers, the best part of his retirement statement Wednesday was when he was thanking everybody and wrote, “I appreciate the referees for putting up with all my fussing. I think I was right most of the time dadgummit!” ...
In honor of Wednesday’s presidential inauguration, three of my favorite inauguration quotes: (1) “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.” — Bill Clinton; (2) “In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.” — Ronald Reagan; (3) “Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” — John F. Kennedy . ... The bad news: The Magic had lost six in a row heading into Wednesday night’s game with the Minnesota Timberwolves. The good news: At least they’re ahead of the Miami Heat and the Toronto Raptors in the standings. Hey, if you’re a fan of the injury-ravaged Magic, you have to find positivity where you can find it. …
A moment of silence, please, Don Sutton has just joined Tommy Lasorda in That Big Dodgertown in the Sky. Just a friendly reminder to all of the baseball pitchers of today who skip starts because they might have a strained cuticle on their pinkie and for all the NBA players who sit out games because of load management: Sutton was never on the injured list and never missed a turn in the rotation in 756 big-league starts over 23 seasons. … RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com: “An eagle in Montreal reportedly grabbed a toddler off the street only to unexpectedly drop its catch a few feet later. It was probably a Philadelphia Eagle.” … Are we really supposed to take this pandemic-plagued college basketball season seriously when Duke, North Carolina and Kentucky all are unranked in the latest AP poll for the first time in four decades? …
Did you see where the Detroit Lions gave new coach Dan Campbell — Dan Freaking Campbell! — a six-year contract? Of the Lions’ last eight coaching hires, none of them lasted six years. And guess what?
Neither will Dan Freaking Campbell! The money pro sports owners and college ADs waste on coaching contracts is almost as obscene as a New York Mets general manager . ... By the way, kudos to the Mets for quickly firing creepy GM Jared Porter, who sent dozens of sexually explicit, uninvited text messages to a female reporter in 2016 when he was working for the Chicago Cubs. If only you knew what female sports journalists have had to endure from coaches, athletes and team executives through the decades. It’s disgusting that it’s still happening . ... Raise your hand if you knew Chad Henne was still in the NFL? #HenneThingIsPossible. …
Headline at TheOnion.com: “Report: 750,000 Americans die each year during first attempt to get back in shape.” … Somebody actually bought a 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle baseball card for a record $5.2 million the other day. If you’re scoring at home, that’s five times more than the Mick made during his 18-year Hall-ofFame career. … I see where the Jacksonville Jaguars are going to promote Trent Baalke and make him the team’s new general manager. His three main tasks will be: (1) “More cream in your coffee, Urban?” (2) “Yes, Urban, I sent Shelley flowers for her birthday! What? I sent her roses; you didn’t tell me tulips were her favorite. I’m sorry!!!” (3) “Hey, Urban, I’ll be back in 30 minutes. Your dry-cleaning is ready.” … Hard to believe James Harden’s new restaurant in Houston is opening this week — just a few days after he malingered his way out of town and forced a trade to Brooklyn. An appropriate appetizer on the menu: Conch Quitters, er, Fritters.
Last word: Former Florida Gators and current Washington Wizards star Bradley Beal on his team’s awful start to the NBA season: “At this point, we can’t guard a parked car.”