Don’t mock friend who ended up sick

Dear Miss Manners: I have a friend, “Maya,” who has been very cautious about the virus. She has for the most part stayed home, having groceries delivered and keeping up friendships via technology.

I respect her choices, but I’ve been quite a bit more “out there.” I go shopping, to the salon and out to restaurants. I wear a mask and social distance. Maya has “tsk, tsked” me this whole time and said some insulting things about my intelligence.

Well, guess who got the virus? She did! I have remained healthy and active and have tested negative several times.

Luckily, Maya was able to recover without hospitalization. I feel she owes me some sort of apology, or at least an acknowledgment that her “I’m better than you” attitude was wrong. Should I open a conversation or just let it go?

Gentle reader: We try not to pick on sick people. Yes, Miss Manners knows that Maya was picking on you, but as you object to that, you should not be returning it in kind.

Besides, what is your point? That the virus can strike despite precautions does not mean that one should not take precautions. If it is any comfort to you, not saying “nyah-nyah” is more effective than saying it. She will hear her own words better if you are silent.

Dear Miss Manners: I recently needed to contact my neighbors regarding an issue with our building. I know all of them by name, and have their telephone numbers, except one couple. We do greet each other when we meet in the lobby or the elevators, but I didn’t have their contact information.

So last Saturday around 10 a.m., when I figured most people would be up and about, I went upstairs to their floor and rang the doorbell. I waited for what seemed like a long enough time, and then rang the doorbell a second time. I waited a little bit longer, then, figuring no one was home, decided to leave.

As soon as I entered the lift, I heard their door open, and immediately popped out again to talk to them. The gentleman opened the door wide, but was still in his pajamas. The lady was nowhere to be seen, and there were signs of ongoing housecleaning (a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the floor, etc.).

I apologized. He didn’t invite me in. I explained why I needed to talk with them, we discussed the issue, exchanged phone numbers, and I left. Should

I not have rung the doorbell twice? How long does one wait after knocking/ringing before assuming no one is home? Was 10 a.m. on a Saturday too early? How would Miss Manners have handled this situation?

Gentle reader: As a general rule, two knocks and after 10 a.m. work fine. Both of you came out unscathed. Or you could have left a note under the door.

For true neighbor emergencies, however, the timing and intensity will likely be dictated by the situation’s urgency. Basement flooding has precedence, Miss Manners assures you, over sugarless cakes.

Dear Miss Manners: Our very cute dog, “Wally,” has enjoyed the occasional table scrap on top of her usual dog food dinners. As a result, she has added a few pounds to her otherwise sleek physique. Lately, my wife has been gently chastising her, even calling her “pudgy.”

I’m concerned that this is not only a breach of etiquette, but could have a long-term impact on her self-esteem. My wife says that since she’s a dog, it’s of no matter. I say fat-shaming is what it is, regardless of species. We have agreed to let you be the ultimate arbiter.

Gentle reader: We seem to be scraping the bottom of the pandemic barrel for arguments, are we not?

But yes, Miss Manners agrees with you: Babies and animals should not be subjected to any sort of shaming. Not just because they are unable to defend themselves, but because it sets an unpleasant precedent for their more cognitive counterparts.

Miss Manners suggests that you respond to your wife by saying, “Now, dear, Wally looks as good as any of us after nine months of our delicious cooking.”

Dear Miss Manners: My best friend recently divorced. Mutual friends have been asking me about the reason they split. What is a polite way to say that it is personal and to mind their own business?

“I wouldn’t dream of asking her.”

Gentle reader:

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.