Rainbow bridge may comfort grieving owner

Dear Amy: I’m devastated with grief from losing my beloved dog to cancer five weeks ago. He was only five. I have good counselors, supportive friends and family, and a loving husband, but I’m struggling a lot with depression and grief.

I’m almost 40, but have never lost anyone close to me before, and this was my first pet.

I loved that dog wholeheartedly and can’t seem to come to terms with how that sweet, innocent dog had to suffer, and how much emptier our life and home feel without him.

I know we gave our dog a wonderful life and did everything we could for him, and I know so many other people have also experienced this loss, but I’m still swimming in grief and in so much pain that I haven’t given much attention to my relationship with my husband or nurtured him.

My husband is often in the role of consoling me.

One of his wonderful qualities is that he is patient; at the same time, he is feeling insecure about our relationship because I’m not fully there.

I can’t seem to get outside of my grief.

Do I just give myself time for this grief to run its course, or is there a way I can course correct and not make my husband feel ignored during this time?

— Sad Pet Mom

Dear Sad: Losing a pet is a loss like no other, because we love and care for our animal companions differently than we do the humans in our lives.

Caring for an animal, especially through a long illness, is truly the essence of tender loving care.

Now is the time to apply some of that tenderness toward yourself and your husband.

Researching your question, I came upon a number of Facebook groups devoted to the loss of a pet. (Do an internet search on “pet loss bereavement.”) Once you join a group. you will be able to post a photo of your beloved dog and write about your experience. The humans participating in these online groups tend to be extremely kind and supportive. And scrolling through the many postings, you will know that you are not alone.

While I have never necessarily subscribed to the comforts offered by the “rainbow bridge” concept, on one of these Facebook pages I saw a collage of photos of the late, great animal lover Betty White, posing with her many dog companions over the years.

Knowing that in her life she had experienced this tender love and loss over and over again was truly inspiring, and I found myself hoping that her dozens of animal companions were waiting for her at the other side of that mythical rainbow bridge.

I hope you will find similar comforts as you process your own grief.

Dear Amy: I have an in-law relative who has been deaf since childhood. A few years ago, I learned that this person reads lips.

My problem is that they eavesdrop on private conversations by reading your lips. The masks many of us wear have helped to curb this, but with things (hopefully) going back to normal, I will once again have to cover my mouth when we are with this in-law.

It feels a bit rude to do this, but if I have something I want to share with my husband, there’s really nothing else to do.

Do you have a better solution?

— Unmasking

I do have a solution for you!

My solution is fairly simple: Don’t attempt to have a personal, private and exclusive conversation with your husband in front of other people. Ever. That’s just rude!

Save your private thoughts for when you have privacy. When your in-law is with you, you should include this person in your conversation. Dear Amy: Thank you for discouraging a recent “Proud Papa” from commenting on his daughter’s body.

When I was a teenage girl with a “sturdy” body type, my father (with no ill intention) often remarked that I was, “built for comfort, not for speed.”

I am now 74, and that remark is still with me.

To all dads of teenage girls, please, be sparing with those “light teasing” remarks.

— Trying to Grow Gracefully

Dear Trying: Your anecdote illustrates the point perfectly. Thank you.

Dear Unmasking: