Friend is worried about close pal’s abusive marriage

DEARAMY » My closest friend from college is 65 years old. We talk on the phone regularly.

He related a serious incident to me yesterday about his wife (of 35 years) physically attacking him.

She punched him in the head and split his lip with an ashtray. He fell to the floor, and she continued punching and kicking him, bruising him in several places.

I tried to encourage him to leave, but he won’t. He plans on staying in a completely loveless, and now violent, relationship.

I don’t know what my next step should be. He got angry when I mentioned that I would call his son. However, what if I don’t do anything and this behavior escalates?

— Concerned Friend

DEAR FRIEND » The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) quotes an alarming statistic: One in seven men in the U. S. age 18 and over has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime. Male victims of

IPV (intimate partner violence) are often reluctant to involve the police because of a perceived bias toward female victims (and the fear that the man will be arrested, even if he is the injured party).

Your friend told you about his abuse, which is an important step. Keep talking and continue to be concerned and supportive. Instead of urging him to leave the marriage, ask if he would come to visit you (if possible).

Helpline.org has extremely helpful information and resources specifically for male victims of domestic violence. Share this with your friend. In terms of reaching out to his son, you will have to decide if this would further isolate him. His injuries, however, are alarming, and I believe the son should be told.

DEARAMY » No, no, no! Your response to “Rightful Owner” was so off base. This man’s wife basically commandeered the family car to take her daughter-in-law and her kids to the airport, when the DIL had a perfectly good car of her own.

Yet another example of male bias.

— Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED » What I objected to was the way he responded to this challenge, which was to take off in the car on the day of the trip, leaving others to scramble. I thought his behavior was cowardly.