Worker wonders how to respond to slur

DEAR AMY » I am a Black man who works in a warehouse setting.

In the last three jobs I’ve had, a White co-worker has used the “N” word to me, while not specifically calling me the name.

I find even the mention of the word hurtful and I do not use it myself, even in description or when greeting a fellow Black person.

At my previous job, a co-worker used the word three times, and when I complained to HR, they really didn’t do anything, so I found another job.

At my current job, two co-workers have used the word, one to describe a movie he loves from the ‘70s. The other guy just thought it was OK to say it casually about nobody in particular.

This made me feel hurt and angry inside, but I didn’t say anything because honestly, I felt (and feel) powerless.

I’ve dealt with this kind of behavior since elementary school.

I realize I can’t control others’ thoughts or actions. I also believe that going to HR is useless; that office being in another part of the country, and they will do nothing.

I can’t believe how painful this is, and for how long in my life I have had to deal with it.

What can I do?

— Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED » I shared your question with Maurice Ruffin, a New Orleans attorney, professor of writing, and author of one of my favorite novels, the powerful “We Cast a Shadow” (2020, One World).

Here is his response: “I’m sorry for your pain. I know how it feels to have random acquaintances use the ‘ N’ word. I’ve been called the

‘ N’ word myself; most recently by a white woman who thought I was out of earshot. I let her know what I thought of that. She was ashamed to have been caught and called out.

“Toni Morrison said that racism is designed to distract you. And I believe it. I also think the work of racism is to silence you. I’m sure all the people you mentioned are aware that the word is a slur. No doubt, that’s why they used it in the first place. Maybe they think it’s cool or dangerous to use it. That’s not your problem.

“If you feel offended, you should speak up for yourself because if you hold it inside, you’ll feel even worse. You should tell your co-workers you don’t appreciate their comments. If you don’t feel safe telling them, go to your supervisor, because that’s the job of management: to resolve issues that affect your ability to do your job well. And if your supervisor is not helpful, report the issue to their superior, and so on up the chain.

“The work of racism is to distract and silence you. Don’t let these coworkers distract or silence you. My mama said, ‘Don’t ever let them run you off, because you’ll never stop running.”’

“YOU know who you are, but, clearly, they don’t.”

Show them.