Who would pay that much for cereal?

Well, I’m happy to report breaking news: the nationwide Grape-Nuts shortage is over.

Didn’t notice there was one? Yeah, me either but apparently hard-core Grape-Nuts fans were paying pandemic prices that were as much as $110 a box according to the cereal’s maker, Post. Really? Really.

With supply chain constraints easing up and production ramped up to “normal” again, this cereal, which is made from neither grapes nor nuts, is back on the shelves for about $4.49 a box.

Still, I have to wonder why anyone in their right mind would pay more than a C-note for a box of Grape-Nuts. I guess when you’re jonesing fibrous wheat and barley you do what ya gotta do.

I suppose compared to white truffles at $1,050 a pound or bluefin tuna from Japan at $3,603 a pound or Moose cheese at $500 a pound or a Le Chocolate Box from Lake Forest Confections for $1.5 million, the cereal was a steal of a deal but, honestly, if I’m gonna spend that kind of cash, I’d rather have an Amedei chocolate bar ($90) or a of pound of Foie Gras. The duck liver pate is about the same price, $110, per pound, and you don’t have to add milk.

Speaking of adding milk — I had a cousin who used to pour milk into his Pepsi. I used to tease him but then he’d make fun of me for putting peanuts in my coke. And, at Easter, we’d both get a kick out of putting a Peep in a bowl of soda and watching fizz, melt and distort. It looks like this Easter Pepsi is taking a page from our play book. The cola company has introduced Peeps-flavored Pepsi.

Let’s just be clear here: My cousin and I never actually drank the soda with the dissolved marshmallow confection. It was more of science experiment then it was a culinary capper. But Pepsi is banking on folks doing just that with this new cola, “Pepsi x Peeps.” The only way to get your hands on this Peepsi is by winning the company’s contest on Twitter or Instagram.

And, since we’re on the subject of food and Easter and in the middle of Lent, let’s talk beaver tails. Yup, you read that correctly — beaver tails. In the

17th century the Catholic church determined that since beavers were semiaquatic they could technically be counted as “fish” and could be eaten during Lent. Ooooook, and here I thought gefilte fish was as disgusting as it could get.

No, I take that back.

Top of my list for the vilest food is Jell- O salad.

You know the one I’m talking about. It’s the one in which tuna fish, fruit cocktail, carrot bits, walnuts and cottage cheese are all encased in lime Jell- O. It makes me shudder just to think of it.

It also makes me wonder about good taste, particularly that of Mrs. John E. Cook of New Castle, Pennsylvania, who is credited ( blamed?) for creating “perfection salad” circa 1904. Her creation, now known as Jell- O salad, won third place in a Better Homes and Gardens recipe contest. Personally, I think the contest was rigged, but by the 1930s serving veggies suspended in the congealed green gelatinous stuff was considered quite swank. It also helped out when the grocery budget was tight ‘cuz it was pretty much guaranteed no one was going back for seconds. Hard enough to gag down “firsts.”

In the past couple of years bacon has really come to the forefront as “a thing.” There’s now bacon tea, bacon candy canes (Santa’s elves are shuddering over this one), bacon hot sauce, bacon vodka, bacon salt, bacon flavored coffee (it’s a breakfast twofer for those seriously in a hurry), bacon lollipops, bacon breath mints (a gastronomical oxymoron), bacon infused olive oil, bacon flavored cotton candy, bacon soda, bacon gum balls, bacon flavored chips, bacon dark chocolate, bacon porter, Torani bacon syrup (yeah, I’ll have a grande, soy, bacon latte with an extra shot. Oh, and a barf bag on the side please) and, last but not least on the everything bacon list and coming full circle, is Post Honey Bunches of Oats Maple Bacon Donuts cereal.

Thankfully, or sadly, I guess depending on your taste, this was a limitededition cereal the company debuted on March 7, 2019 in honor of National Cereal Day. This real and artificially flavored food product of honey, oats, maple, bacon and donut flavors all rolled into one box was only available at Walmart (of course) for the bargain price of $2.98 a box.

Unlike Grape-Nuts which are once again available, you won’t be able to find Post Honey Bunches of Oats Maple Bacon Donuts cereal on grocery store shelves now or in the future. Post, at this time, has no plans to bring back this culinary crime in a box. But, for those of you who just gotta have it, you can still find it on eBay sold with its contemptable companion, Post Honey Bunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles cereal but you’re gonna pay $45.99 for the disgusting duo.

Yeah, I’m good with corn flakes thank you very much and please pass the milk.