Friendship falters over bungled gift
DEAR AMY >> Over a year ago, I was pregnant with my first child and a friend of mine offered (she offered, I did not ask) to give me some of her maternity clothes that she was finished with.
I gladly accepted and was grateful for her generosity!
My husband and I ended up losing the baby, right at the beginning of the third trimester.
As you can imagine, we were absolutely devastated.
After our loss, this friend called incessantly, and it was too much for me at the time, and I didn’t always answer her calls.
She also said a number of insensitive things, of one which was: “I’m actually kind of jealous of you.”
She has two beautiful children with her husband, I believe she meant that there are still things to enjoy with my husband while we are childless — and that some of that freedom is lost when you have children.
I let that go.
However, a few months ago, she texted me and asked if I would mail her maternity clothes back so that her sister-in-law could use them.
When she gave me the clothes, she said that they were mine to keep, and that I should pay them forward when I was finished with them.
Amy, I am not finished with them! In fact, I was about six-weeks pregnant when she asked for her clothes back.
I wasn’t ready to tell her I was pregnant again.
This request was the last straw. I told her how much her request upset me, and I returned the clothes to her.
I haven’t been able to talk to her since, despite her calls.
Am I being overly sensitive about this? I feel like this has permanently affected our relationship.
Should I have an open and honest conversation with her about this, and let her know that I’m not sure this is something that I can move past?
I would greatly appreciate an outsider’s perspective. —B
DEAR B >> So far, this friend of yours has done all of the talking and you have been forced to react and respond, repeatedly, to her obnoxious and insensitive behavior.
I hope this extremely painful loss in your life has helped to show you who your real friends are. She is not one of them.
I think you should let her go, without further conversation. At some point she will force herself upon you, and you can tell her that your friendship has simply run its course. If it would give you any satisfaction to explain why, then you should do so — but understand that she could expand any explanation into a protracted conversation.
I think she’s already talked enough.