Neighbors not notified about a death on the street

DEAR AMY » “Ben” and “Sally” were neighbors of ours for 38 years.

We are the oldest residents on the street; the remaining properties have changed ownership several times.

Ben and Sally were somewhat reclusive, however when we met while walking, we enjoyed one another.

I was never in their home, but I was invited to one of their daughters’ weddings. The two daughters are outgoing. When visiting their parents, we always enjoyed friendly banter with them.

This January, while at their winter home, Ben became ill and died.

Sally was brought home and placed in a care facility.

Hearing this from a resident at the end of the street stunned me.

Apparently, the daughters have been in and out of the family home, packing and sorting, and the other resident passed by and was asking what was going on, and the daughter answered with the sad news of her parents.

I am quite perplexed that the daughters have not called or sent a note telling me about their parents. In my opinion, it would be a respectful thing to do.

— Upset Neighbor

DEAR UPSET » I could easily cite several very understandable reasons why these two women have not reached out, including the fact that they may have forgotten your names and affiliation with their parents.

If the rest of the houses on the street have changed hands several times over the years, they might have assumed that yours had, too.

Something as simple as them not having access to their folks’ address book (or you not being listed in it because you were actually neighbors), might have prevented them from contacting you.

Your question places you near the center of a very challenging and upsetting time for these daughters, but in my opinion, the respectful thing would be for YOU to reach out to them, expressing your sympathy over their sudden loss, and asking them for the best way you could keep in touch with their mother.

After a death, the note writing is most often done by those expressing sympathy — not the other way around.

DEAR AMY » I enjoyed “Expecting’s” dilemma, (her hubby had a vasectomy 19 years ago, and she got pregnant).

I have to share something similar that happened to one of my cousins.

My cousin and her husband had two healthy boys, so my cousin had her tubes tied, and her husband had a vasectomy. They both healed.

They now have THREE healthy boys.

— Three Time’s a Charm

DEAR THREE TIMES » The odds that both procedures would ultimately fail must have been astronomical.