Serious illness dismissed as psychosomatic

DEAR AMY » When I was pregnant with my first child, I was diagnosed with a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum.

It causes debilitating nausea, uncontrollable vomiting and dehydration, and in severe cases, can be lifethreatening.

During the course of my pregnancy, I had to go to the ER eight times, and was admitted to the hospital for four days at one point.

HG also led to other pregnancy complications, and I delivered my son by emergency C-section 10 weeks early.

It was by far the most difficult thing either my husband or I have ever been through.

I am now pregnant with my second child, and thankfully am enjoying a normal pregnancy.

The problem is that my mother-in-law has taken my good health now as a “sign” that I was never really sick the first time.

She has expressed that my first pregnancy distress was really a psychological issue because I was “so afraid I wouldn’t have a healthy baby.”

I’m not sure why she says things like this, and it really upsets me when she raises the topic.

My husband says I need to learn that her opinions just don’t matter, but I’m still upset.

Any advice on how to gracefully shut her down?

— Not “All in My Head”

DEAR NOT » Because of her lack of compassion toward you, your motherin-law has surrendered her privilege to know about or discuss your health. Your health — past or present — should be off the table.

If she raises her theory about your first pregnancy again, you can say, “I’m going to have to interrupt you mid-thought. Let’s not discuss my health, OK?”

Your husband is right: His mother’s opinions about your health struggles don’t matter, and your behavior will demonstrate that from here on out, it is not up for discussion.

DEAR AMY » I enjoyed your “Best of” column devoted to the occasional challenges faced by short people.

Years ago, our firm hired a super-duper Mr. Fix It guy.

He had a series of conference phone calls, and always sounded very tough and gruff.

I pictured a John Wayne or General Patton type of guy.

I met him in person one day, and he was short and petite, but with a booming voice.

I said to him, “You sound much taller on the phone.”

He laughed and responded, “No this is the tallest I have ever been!” It was great.

— A Reader

DEAR READER » What strikes me is that any person outside of what might be considered the “norm” (whatever that currently is), seems to need a great comeback line.

That’s unfortunate.