Milwaukee Journal Sentinel - Packer Plus
Mr. August Award has plenty of candidates
It is the most prestigious award out there.
Bigger than the Nobel Prize. Bigger than the Pulitzer. Bigger than an Oscar.
Bigger than an MTV Video Music Award.
Why it's even bigger than an ESPY. We're talkin' big.
That's right.
It's time to determine just who will be Mr. August.
The annual Mr. August Award goes to the guy who puts on a show in training camp and the games that don't count. He proceeds to do nothing the rest of the way. He is the go-to guy for the talking heads now and then has to settle for doing photo bombs as the season progresses.
The competition is fierce. Interest is at an all-time high. The betting lines have been set during a seance with Jimmy The Greek.
So here they are, and remember you are required by law not to operate any heavy machinery for two hours after digesting this information.
Tim Boyle (2-1): The defending champion. Unfortunately, he could not parlay that success into an appearance on “Ellen.”
Gerhard de Beer (3-1): You'd think jerseys with this guy's last name on them would be big hits at tailgate parties.
DeShone Kizer (4-1): Brett Hundley II led the Packers to zero points in the season finale. OK, who stopped him? Joe Philbin?
Mike Tyson (8-1): After the Packers claimed him, the Bears tried to sign Buster Douglas.
Danny Vitale (10-1): It's hard to imagine anyone named Vitale not screaming, “You gotta get a TO, Baybeeeeeee!” during the two-minute drill.
Pharoah McKever (15-1): A lot of people haven't heard of him. But Mel Kiper Jr. could probably talk for hours about this guy.
Mason Crosby (22-1): If any more of his kicks go to the far left, CNN is going to put him in the Democratic Debates.
Ty Summers (25-1): This guy is a linebacker. But with a name like that he could have starred in “Beach Blanket Bingo.”
Dexter Williams (30-1): He could be the biggest sleeper since Ted Thompson during free agency.
Cole Madison (35-1): This guy could be a diamond in the rough. In fact, unnamed scouts from Robert Haack have been spotted at practice.
Rashan Gary (52-1): He should rest. He needs his energy to chase Jamal Reynolds on the team's all-time sack list. When he gets his fourth one, they'll stop the game and give him a cardboard cutout of the quarterback.
Tray Matthews (52-1): Tray? What happened to Clay?
Malik Taylor (100-1): His picture isn't even up on the roster portion of the team's website. It must still be in the stop bath.
Aaron Rodgers (112-1): He'll probably have to be out there for more than three plays. This is good. They won't have to brush the cobwebs off him before the opener.
David Bakhtiari (169-1): After he makes his cameo, he can challenge guys on the other team to a beer chugging contest.
Manny Wilkins (200-1): He'll have a pretty good August if he can beat that Rodgers kid out of a job.
Sam Ficken (225-1): This young man has made all of three field goals in two seasons. But he's wearing Don Majkowski's number. He could be Majik.
Matt LaFleur (500-1): How could he be on the job all this time and never once bring up high pad level?
Brian Gutekunst (1,000,000-1): He was Mr. March.
Brett Favre (4,000,000,000-1): If he gets the itch, he might want to spray it with Bactine.
Vinelines
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: “It's a crazy world. The Raiders' training camp kicked off with head coach Jon Gruden complaining about being on TV.”...
Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: “The Dolphins are supposed to be lousy this season. All of the media ‘experts' say so. No matter. In July, Miami is tied for the best record in the NFL at 0-0.”...
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: Jaguars CB Jalen Ramsey – dropping a big hint that he's not happy with his contract – arrived at training camp last week in an armored bank truck. Cowboys RB Ezekiel Elliott, not to be outdone, reportedly plans to show as soon as he can line up a Salvation Army kettle ....
John Breech of CBSsports.com, after Minnesota Vikings cornerback Holton Hill was hit with his second four-game NFL suspension in four months: "Hill called his first suspension a 'learning experience,' but based on the fact that he got suspended again, it's not clear what exactly he learned."...
Jim Barach, comedy writer: “Bill Belichick will host an NFL Network program in the offseason. No name has been selected yet but the one they wanted has already been used. ‘I Spy.'”