“I enter the triathlon using a bold tactic: zero training of any kind”
Taking GTA V’s triathlon scene by storm
ichael De Santa has stuffed his wardrobe with Hawaiian shirts, bought a loud car, and rather fancies getting his ear pierced. Middle-age has this 45-year-old floundering so wildly he’s even taking up triathlons. A boozy retirement spent doing little more than bickering with his family might show on the tubby waist of this former career criminal, but at least when Michael’s legs give out he’s got a bottomless well of rage to draw from.
I enter the Vespucci Beach triathlon (a swim, a run, and a bike ride) using a bold tactic: zero training of any kind. Thankfully it doesn’t look like my opponents have practiced much either, gathered as they are around a Chihuahua Hotdogs cart, one or two puffing on cigarettes. Triathlons are mind games, albeit manifested physically, and that’s why I’ve showed up overweight and wearing a full suit,
Mand make a beeline for the bikes. I send the nearest competitor sprawling over the handlebars with a clever knock and peel away. In this world of sponsored sporting events run by strict governing bodies, the rules are there are no rules.
DAD BOD
Here’s where I ascend the leaderboard, letting the machine do the work while Mike sits down, which he’s good at. He took up BMX-ing recently in order to add more evidence to his ongoing argument that 40 is the new 30, and give or take trying to slam into other riders, the general principle remains the same. Now it’s onto the sprint, where