“Touché monsieur Moustache, you win this time”
Admiring hats in Total Wa r: Wa rhamer
’ve missed having a big chunky strategy game to sink my teeth into. I was raised on AgeofEmpires and feel it’s time to dive back into the world of military tactics, diplomacy, and a whole heap of numbers and names to get my head around. I’ve never played a Total War game before. What I know about Warhammer would barely fill a mouse’s shot glass. I decide Total War: Warhammer will be the game for me.
Luckily my brother is a veteran of both Total War and Warhammer, so I have my own personal advisor on hand. He’s certainly more use than the old guy in the corner of the screen who keeps popping up to have a go at me. The game doesn’t do a lot to ease me into the complicated world of warmanagement. I think I’m handling my first battle like a pro. The game informs me otherwise.
The battles are only the beginning. After I scrape through my first, I have to deal with civil upgrades, making sure the populations I invade aren’t revolting. After making my already super-human general even more awesome, I’m thrown into the world of diplomacy. With so many grim-faced bearded men to try to build relations with, it’s like medieval Tinder. I’m determined to get some kind
ISo I have the diplomatic skill of an Orc who hasn’t bathed in a week. However, I’m slowly starting to get to grips with the war side of Total War. I’m generally more used to strategy games in which you directly control an army. Total War is different. Instead of playing as an omnipotent spirit who controls the soldier’s slightest move, you’re a tactician. Planning and foresight mean everything, and so you can’t just wing it in the way that I’m used to. Swordsmen take time to disengage once they’re fighting. You can’t just expect them to politely ignore the other soldiers trying to stab them because you’ve decided they should be a little to the right. After deploying my orders and pressing play I’m getting genuinely tense.
Hats off
I’m enjoying the strategy, but it’s the little details that sell me on the game. The ability to zoom in and watch as my cavalry storm into a battle, the spectacular floppy hats my crossbowmen wear, even the slightly comical way the gigantic general sternly marches across the map.
While I feel like I’ve finally started to get to grips with what’s actually going on, I’m also very aware I’ve barely scratched the surface of what this game has to offer.