“They say you can’t put a price on life, but here it’s a bargain”
Counting down the hours in The Elder Scrolls Online line
I pick a target—an old woman on the docks—and fire an exploratory arrow at her
THIS MONTH
Ended a virtual life, and 0.0007% of a real one.
ALSO PLAYED
Over watch, Elite Dangerous
I’m only 32. Based on average life expectancy, I’ll be alive for another 433,620 hours. I can afford to waste some of them playing an MMO. But which one?
I pick The Elder Sc rolls Online. I last played in the beta, and didn’t enjoy it at all, but I’ve heard it’s improved. I create a character aligned with the Aldmeri Dominion, and rush through the tutorial, stopping only to speak to John Cleese as he mumbles his way to another VO cheque. Escaping Coldharbour, I’m sent to an island. I run around picking up quests, then run around some more killing and/or collecting the things needed to complete them.
It feels almost ElderScrollsy. Almost. But the similarities are mostly superficial, laid on top of what is unmistakeably an MMO. I’m favoring a stealthy ranged build, which is how I play most ElderScrolls games. In Skyrim, I’d stalk through caves, using a bow to instantly despatch bandits or skeletons. In TESO, I can’t do that. A single, charged up shot only takes off a small percentage of my target’s health. Invariably, every fight ends with me spamming arrows and hotbar skills as a group of angry monsters run directly at me. It’s not a great combat feeling.
I do the MMO thing of playing for hours despite not enjoying myself. I’m about to quit, then remember I own the DarkBrotherhood DLC. The Dark Brotherhood—part cult, part guild—is who I join whenever I’m bored of the main campaign in any ElderScrolls game. It’s only fitting that TESO should also recreate that experience.
I take a boat to Anvil, where a shady figure suggests I murder an innocent in order to join the Brotherhood. I wasn’t aware there was a system in place for killing regular NPCs, but I pick a target—an old woman on the docks— and fire an exploratory arrow at her. She turns hostile, but doesn’t die. One MMO fight later, and I have a messy murder under my belt. A guard runs up and says that I’ll pay for my crime. To be precise, I’ll pay 29 gold. They say you can’t put a price on life, but here it’s a bargain. As I run to the Dark Brotherhood’s lighthouse HQ, I pass more players stalking victims along the dock. Why do the NPCs keep coming here? I get that the Brotherhood is a local employer, but this seems like a counterproductive way to stimulate the local economy.
The Brotherhood wants me to kill some jerk in a mansion. To help, they give me the Blade of Woe, a special ability that instantly kills an enemy if I sneak up to them undetected. Suddenly, the game feels transformed. Having an instant kill option turns combat into a thing only necessary when you make a mistake—an appropriate punishment, albeit hampered by still-awkward stealth. Still, it’s the most fun I’ve had in TESO, and, as I dispatch my target after creeping through his huge mansion, I feel a sense of achievement that’s been missing from previous quests.
Is it good enough to keep me playing TESO? Not quite. I’m down to around 433,615 hours. I think I’ll waste them somewhere else.