Far Cry 5: Lost on Mars
Dick jokes and repetition in Far Cry 5: Lost on Mars.
Ubisoft’s tower climbing puzzles make an unfortunate comeback
We now have conclusive evidence of dick jokes on Mars. From a gun called the Nut Hugger, to an ability called the Cock Blocker, to a mission to locate a detached human penis, it’s recently been officially confirmed that the red planet can support dozens of dong references. Unfortunately, Lost on Mars, the second add-on for Far Cry 5, doesn’t support much else. You play as pilot Nick Rye, one of the companion characters from Far Cry 5, but Hurk Drubman Jr. is the real star of Lost on Mars. Hurk’s body has been dismembered by arachnids and scattered around the planet, with Hurk spending most of the adventure as a hovering ‘Brobot’. After teleporting you to Mars, Hurk becomes your sidekick as you collect his remains and acquire power cores to reactivate an AI he’s become smitten with.
While Nick doesn’t have access to a plane, that doesn’t mean he can’t fly. Using a gravity belt that gives you a few seconds of airtime, and ‘space wings’ that let you glide, you’ll be able to get Nick into the air, at least until your power depletes or gravity brings you back down. Belt-boosting and wing-suiting have their uses on Mars. Not only can arachnids detect your footsteps on the sand, Ubisoft’s tower-climbing puzzles make an unfortunate comeback in this DLC.
The arachnids, meanwhile, are like Far Cry 5’ s wildlife and human enemies rolled into one: Grunts swarm at you, but there are also specialized classes like sniper crabs and armored crabs, as well as queens with a huge amount of health and the ability to disable your weapons and gravity belt with their spittle. Those don’t make them fun to fight: Ultimately, they’re just monsters with simple attacks and poor AI.
Laser drag
Ubisoft doesn’t get creative with its sci-fi weapons, either. Most feel tame and joyless to fire, and even the shapes of the weapons are dull, with each pistol, rifle, and shotgun looking almost identical. There’s a grenade which summons a chicken that will distract the space crabs, and power gloves that let you punch monsters into goo as a finisher, but otherwise the arsenal isn’t inventive enough to make the dull fights feel exciting.
Lost on Mars mercifully doesn’t take long to finish, perhaps five or six hours, but it still winds up feeling like a series of chores. There are a couple of surprises, but the DLC otherwise boils down to a simple loop: Fight bugs, kill a queen, collect a core, scale a tower to activate it, and repeat, picking up Hurk’s missing dong and manboobs along the way.
I’m actually pretty fond of Hurk at this point: He’s crass and crude, and never stops talking—something I would normally find irritating. But he’s a good-natured guy, and is so unfazed by his situation that it’s hard not to enjoy his company. And I’m glad he’s here: Hurk’s commentary is the highlight of a DLC pack that’s otherwise hard to recommend.
verdict
Fighting bugs on Mars is a repetitive exercise only enlivened by the presence of your chatty pal Hurk.
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