Widower considers re-entering dating scene
DEAR NATALIE: I’m 65 and have a lot of living in my rearview mirror, but I still want to share the journey ahead. I lost my life partner awhile back, but in her amazing love and understanding nature, she made me promise not to go it alone.
Here is the rub: How do I find someone to share the journey ahead, like I promised, and not make poor choices in how to find that person? I was blessed by good friends who set me up with my bride, but that doesn't seem likely to be my path forward.
I have multiple cultural tickets that I would love to share with someone, and so what would you suggest? — MOVING FORWARD
DEAR MOVING FORWARD: Life transitions can be quite a challenge, and you have handled the passing of your beloved with grace, love and a touch of humor. I applaud you for wanting to continue the journey and recognize that moving forward doesn’t mean you forget or negate the past.
Having said that, it can be quite a challenge to date in the modern landscape, but here are a few recommendations. First, try a matchmaking service (but a low-key one!) such as Dinner for 8 PGH (http://www.dinnerfor8pgh.com/). You sign up for the service that tailors a group to match your interests and personality. You meet other people who are all there for the same reason, and who knows what can happen? Another option is to join a few organizations or volunteer groups. This is a great way to meet people with similar interests, and it also shows that they think about people outside of themselves, which is a wonderful quality to have in any partner.
Third could be online dating. There are sites out there for the 50+ crowd. But then again, with your positive energy and openness, you may end up reaching for the same bag of apples in the grocery store and end up falling in love the old fashioned way ... just by a random moment in time!
Stay upbeat, get out and socialize!
DEAR NATALIE: My daughter just started college, and as any mother would, I worry. I worry about where she is at night, whom she’s hanging out with, if she’s partying and if she’s dating. Well, recently she came to me and asked if I could go with her to get birth control.
I almost fell over. I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with her growing up (it seems) so fast! I know she wants to do these things, but do you think if I take her to get on the pill I’m just encouraging certain behaviors? Not sure what to think, but I want to be there for her. — FLUSTERED MOM
DEAR FLUSTERED MOM: You should feel really proud that your daughter thought highly enough of you (and trusted you enough) to share about wanting to protect herself. She’s a realist, and you have to be one, too, mom.
While we never want to think of our kids growing up and becoming young adults, remind yourself that you have given her the tools she needs to make the right choices. So when she comes to you wanting to make the right choice, support her.
Worrying that you will “encourage certain behaviors” isn’t going to help anything. In fact, you are encouraging responsible behavior by protecting her from unwanted pregnancy and the tough decisions that come along with that.
So, take a deep breath, mom. Take her to get what she needs, and then after get what you need — a big glass of wine!
Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Make a list of 10 people whom you want to connect with by the end of the year, and then start working through that list by reaching out via email, phone or in person. Writing things down makes ideas concrete and solidifies your intention.
Natalie Bencivenga is the Post-Gazette's Seen and society editor. She has a master's degree in social work from the University of Pittsburgh. Need advice? Send questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com. Follow Natalie on Twitter @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci.