Could best friend be love of her life?

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend recently told me that he is in love with me. We have been friends for more than 10 years, and he has seen me through all the ups and downs of loves gone wrong, including a failed marriage. I didn’t know what to say when he told me this, so I just sat there like a fool. He told me he couldn’t keep it inside anymore and wants to be with me.

I am scared of losing his friendship, but I just don’t know if I feel the same way. He’s called me a few times since he said it, but I haven’t picked up the phone. I find myself thinking about him and wondering what should I do. I do love him, but am I in love? Not sure. Any thoughts? — ROMANCING THE BFF

DEAR ROMANCING THE BFF: Oh my. These kind of questions tug at the heart because there are no easy answers. The heart wants what it wants, but sometimes two people’s visions of the future just don’t line up. It sounds as though he has made up his mind and won’t be able to stay friends with you if you aren’t interested in

him romantically because it will be too heartbreaking for him, so think this through.

You said you love him and care for him. Many great and lasting romances first bloomed from the buds of friendship, so try not to discount that. Think about what it would be like to no longer have him in your life. If you get that sick feeling in your stomach after thinking about losing him, he may be worth taking another look at.

I think we often feel as though love has to hit us like a train speeding down the track, or that if we don’t feel mushy inside after a first kiss it must not be love. Put down the romance novel, turn off the Lifetime movie and instead listen to your heart. What is it telling you? It may be worth taking it very slow and seeing what is like to be with him through new eyes. He may be the real love you have been looking for but were looking past him all this time. Only one way to find out!

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Never be afraid to ask a friend for a contact that could help open a door for you. Relationships are built on trust and reciprocity. Show a friend a kindness, and you will get one in return. (And if you don’t? Then maybe he or she wasn’t such a good friend, after all.)

Natalie Bencivenga is the Post-Gazette’s Seen and society editor. She has a master’s degree in social work from the University of Pittsburgh. Need advice? Send questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com. Follow Natalie on Twitter @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci.