How we coped
When our son, Dakota, vanished this year, so many people gave of themselves
Our son, Dakota James, was the Duquesne University graduate student who went missing in January and who was ultimately found in the Ohio River. As 2017 comes to a close, we want to say thank you to the many people and institutions that helped us along the way.
As Dakota’s parents, we know how the whole world stops immediately upon getting the call that your child is missing. Your mind instantly drops all concern for anything other than locating your child. Your memory is wiped clean except for the images of the shaken faces of those around you. You become mentally and physically numb, but you know you need to act. Then things start to happen.
In our case, family members rushed to Pittsburgh by the dozens and we went straight to work walking the streets and posting flyers. Pittsburgh immediately took notice. In the worst of circumstances, Pittsburgh embraced us and helped us keep moving, and we drew from the energy of those who supported us. Little did we know that we would go from anonymous out-oftowners to front-page news.
This was not exactly our comfort zone, but through it all we felt loved and for that we are grateful and we say thank you. Thank you to the print shops, restaurants and hotel workers who supported us and treated us like family. Thank you to the countless searchers and equipment operators who gave of their free time and services to comb the city and the rivers in the cold. Thank you to the person who ended our search on a gloomy Monday morning in early March.
Despite our tragic experience and severe loss, we continue to love this place and its people. We are still here and we will continue to carry the memory and love of our son forward to benefit the people of this city. Thanks to our friends at Calvary United Methodist Church on the North Side, with whom we created the Dakota James Foundation, we seek to improve surveillance capabilities and police procedures in missing persons cases.
In the months since losing Dakota, the foundation has done exactly what we said we were going to do. We have attended local events such as Pride, and we have met with local officials to discuss how we can work together to improve the safety of Pittsburgh’s citizens.
Our loss here was real, permanent and impossible to understand. Through it all, or perhaps because of it all, we see an opportunity to make things better and leave a proper legacy for Dakota.
We look forward to continuing our efforts in this city, and we hope you will support us in these efforts. You can find us at dakotajamesfoundation.com.
The similar cases of Dakota James and Paul Kochu are explored in the first serialized Post-Gazette podcast, “Three Rivers, Two Mysteries.” It is available on iTunes, Google Play and other sites. More at post-gazette.com/twomysteries.