Untangling a wedding faux pas

DEAR NATALIE: It was my good fortune to marry a wonderful woman recently. A friend of several decades, who would certainly have been invited to the ceremony and dinner, made it known to methat he and his wife would be out of town on the day of the wedding. Consequently I did not send the couple an invitation as I did not want it to be seen as a means to prompt a gift, something that my wife and I discouraged as this is a second marriage for both of us. From interaction that we have had since, I have the impression that my friend feels slighted to have received no invitation. Did I do the right thing? —

ETIQUETTE MATTERS

DEAR ETIQUETTE MATTERS: I would feel slighted, too. Just because they couldn’t attend, that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t want to be invited. I would have sent the invite with a note inside saying something like: “We know you cannot make it, but we wanted you to know that we would have loved for you to have been there!” Now that it is over, just broach the subject with him and say something like this: “I feel as if you may be upset that you didn’t receive an invite. We obviously wanted you and your wife there but didn’t want you to feel obligated to send a gift knowing you couldn’t come. That was my only intention behind not sending you an invitation. I hope you know how much we care about both of you and enjoy having you in our lives. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.” He will probably be touched that you recognized and acknowledged his feelings.