Family makes fun of your weight?

DEAR NATALIE: I have been struggling for many years over the fact that my mother has been painting a picture of me that is totally untrue. I’m trying to understand if she feels she is venting for my sake or hers. This is about my weight, which is very normal and has been confirmed very normal by my doctor. He says I am right in the middle of where I should be. On the other hand, my mom is completely convinced I have an eating problem, simply because I am normal weight and she is not. If I tell her I eat plenty and sometimes more than I should, she gives me this look as if I am lying. In family situations, she is always sure to question what is on my plate in front of others. She doesn’t see the first two plates of food I eat and then focuses on the small portion that I added, convincing herself and others that I do, in fact, have an issue with eating.

The truth of the matter is that I do eat a lot, and I must be lucky that I can wear if off. I am also physically active, which obviously helps. My husband laughs at how much I eat and jokes about it, but I have had other family members approach me on this topic and say things to me as if they can’t believe how thin I am. These people are not looking with their eyes but with their imaginations. When I respond that I am not skinny, they make a face, like I don’t see what they do. I am 5-feet-3 and 122125 pounds, hardly underweight — just normal weight. What would they like me to weigh? I am also a 50-year-old woman and not an adolescent, and I’m not sure why all this focus is on me. Why is my mother doing this, and why can’t others see that I am normal, and why are they following her lead instead? It’s been very frustrating, hurtful and emotionally draining to even be around any of them. It’s almost laughable to think everyone considers me anorexic! — BITE ME

DEAR BITE ME: Your mother is jealous and projecting her own frustrations about her own eating habits and weight issues on to you. Your family needs to get a grip. The fact is, you are a fit and healthy 50-year-old who has a naturally fast metabolism and takes care of herself, and that irritates your family. So what can you do? Don’t change anything that you are doing, but instead, the next time your mom brings up your weight, tell her she may want to focus on her own health and not worry so much about yours. Sound harsh? Maybe, but you should stand up for yourself and let the family know that their comments about your weight hurts your feelings and makes you not want to be around them. They may not even realize that they are upsetting you, thinking that “thin” people can’t be offended. In the end, it really shouldn’t be able the number on the scale, anyway, but how we feel in our own skin. Some people aren’t self-aware enough to realize that. Let them chew on that for a while.

DEAR NATALIE: Why do people suddenly stop responding to an ongoing email correspondence with no explanation? For example, I’ve been trying to arrange a business meeting and all was going well. We were settling on a time and was told he would get back to me by the end of the day. Then nothing, no response. Several days later, I emailed a reminder that I was eager to meet with them, no response. I tried three times during the next week and still nothing. In my last email I asked if they were still interested, still no response, so I finally gave up. This happens so many times during the past several years that I have lost count.

A simple “No thank you” or “Not at this time” would have been appreciated. Instead, I feel ignored and left in the dark. Not to mention I wasted my time waiting, wondering and keeping my calendar open for a meeting that I was sure would take place. Is this the new “No” and the way it is now or is it just poor manners? I’m very confused and frustrated at this kind of behavior. — PLEASE RESPOND possible. Set yourself a mental

DEAR PLEASE time frame for how long RESPOND: Sounds as if you you will wait on someone to were ghosted. With all of respond and never ghost these ways to communicate, anyone. If you can’t make a it seems as though we are meeting or need to reschedule, communicating more ineffectually just tell them. The more than ever. When we accept bad behavior, the things become easy, things more normalized it will become. become less valued. I think it It’s not the way to run is rude and completely unprofessional a business, and if he can’t figure that he did that that out, I guess he will to you. This should not be have to learn the hard way the new normal, and we when reliable people like should not be OK with it. In you stop trying to meet with the future, I would make him because of his bad manners. sure you have a telephone number as well as an email so that you can try and connect in multiple ways. Sometimes, I will text someone on his or her cell to alert him or her I have sent an email. It seems ridiculous to have to leave bread crumbs for people to follow a trail, but I have heard from so many people, “Oh, I hardly check my email.” How do you run a business without checking email? I have even resorted to private messaging on Instagram to let someone know that I had read and responded to his or her email. Sounds insane, but here we are.

In any case, don’t be a part of this problem. Be a part of the solution. Respond to people within 24-48 hours. Give them multiple ways to communicate with you when

I’m inspired by the question above. Ghosting is rude, unprofessional and bad for business. If you don’t have time for someone or don’t want to meet with them, a simple, “Thank you for thinking of me, but right now my plate is full. I hope we can connect down the road!” will do wonders for how he or she perceives you moving forward.