Soon-to-be mother-in-law is tying bride up in knots

situationor gender.

Your husband and his sisters have learned how to cope with their abusive mother in whatever ways that they could over the years, and sometimes coping skills that we pick up aren’t always healthy. It doesn’t surprise me that he is defending her or that his sisters are telling you to “deal with it.” This is how theyare coping.

If your fiance is open to it, the two of you should go to counseling together to discuss how you are feeling with a neutral third party. Because this is all he knows, he may not even realize how dysfunctional and abusive this woman is.

Still, you are the one who has to decide whether you are going to let this woman into your lives and how much of an impact she will have . If this man is the love of your life and there is nothing that is going to stop you from marrying him, you may need to explain to him first how you are feeling, what boundaries you need to create a healthy start for the two of you and what kind of relationship you want your possible future children to have with their grandmother.

Be honest and lay it all out on the table. Better to figure out what is best for you and your fiance now before you tie the knot.

DEAR NATALIE: My friend asked for my advice about her boyfriend, but she didn’t take my advice and now she is in a really bad situation with him. I don’t understand why she wanted me to try and “help” her (literally I spent hours and hours on the phone and in person trying to get her to work through some stuff) but didn’t listen to anything.

I am super annoyed with her, and she has been blowing up my phone wanting to know “what’s wrong.” I don’t even feel like talking to her. What would you do? — EMOTIONALLY DRAINED

DEAR EMOTIONALLY DRAINED: There is nothing wrong with taking a step back from your relationship so that you can recharge your batteries. There is also nothing wrong with her deciding not to take your advice.Come on, we all know it is much easier to dish it out. (That’s why I love this job. I get to dish it out all day long.)

But in all seriousness, I remember one of my teachers in grad school saying to me about therapy clients, “Natalie, remember, it’s their job not to listen to you. You can’t let that stop you from trying.” Meaning, she may just not be ready to really take your (hopefully sound!)advice.

I think it’s great that you wanted to be there for her, but don’t let this drive a wedge between you. Rather than being her therapist, just go back to being her friend and give her the number of a good counselor instead.

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: It can be challenging to remember people’s faces and names if you only meet them once or twice. So it’s great to get business cards with your photo. It not only makes you stand out, but also it will help cement you in their minds when they see you again in person.