Future bride angry about fake diamond
DEAR NATALIE: I recently got engaged and went to have my ring insured. He looked at my diamond and told me that it was actually a cubic zirconia. I was truly embarrassed. My fiance had surprised me with the ring, and I cannot believe that he did this. When I confronted him about it, he just shrugged it off, saying a real diamond ring that size would’ve cost him a small fortune, and what’s the difference anyway? He said that the ring looks real, and my girlfriends will never know.
But I don’t think he understands why I’m upset. I am upset because I feel lied to. I am ready to call the whole thing off. What do you think I should do? — FAKED OUT DEAR FAKED OUT:
File this under “bride-to-be worst nightmare.” Having your engagement ring turn out to be a fake is not exactly the way you want to start a life together. People may scoff at this and call you “shallow” or “materialistic,” but what this ring stands for is important. This is a symbol of your love and commitment to one another. To have it be a fake may make you feel as though your relationship is a fraud, too.
Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with a cubic zirconia. It’s the fact that he didn’t tell you that it wasn’t a diamond. He let you believe that it was. I wouldn’t want to start a life with someone who is so willing to lie to me to make things easier on himself. It isn’t about the ring. Who cares about the stone? What this is about is the fact that he lied to your face during what should be the most romantic part of your courtship. I would think long and hard about where to go from here, but I would be edging toward the door. DEAR NATALIE: I made a big mistake three months ago with my (now) ex-boyfriend. I’m 28, and he’s 30. He wanted to move in together, but I didn’t think we were ready. We had only been dating a little over a year at the time. So, because our relationship wasn’t “heading anywhere,” he dumped me two months later.
I never wanted to break up, and I have been really upset about it now for months. He hasn’t been seeing anyone else, or at least I don’t think so, and I was wondering if you think it is a good idea to try to get him back? I am willing to move in together, but do you think it is too late? — MISSED OPPORTUNITY
DEAR MISSED OPPORTUNITY: Sometimes, it is all about timing. In this case, it was just the wrong time in your life for that next step. I believe in second chances, and if you both want to give it another go, then go for it. Just ask him to get together and share what is in your heart. Be prepared that he may still feel hurt by what happened, but time does heal.
He may have taken your time apart to reflect on his feelings, too. If he hasn’t seen anyone since your break up, it may be because he wasn’t ready to really let you go. If you are ready to move in, a one-year lease is a good way to see whether this is the real deal before you decide to buy a home together. Give yourself four seasons to learn what it is like to live together, and then take it from there.
Remember, open communication and trust can do wonders for a relationship, but having the same vision of the future will enable you to go the distance. This time, it seems as though you are on the same page.
Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: It’s easier than you think to build connections. While we isolate ourselves in the digital world, sometimes all it takes is a smile, and “How are you?” to remind your neighbors that you can become friends, too.
Natalie Bencivenga is the Post-Gazette’s Seen and society editor. She has a master’s degree in social work from the University of Pittsburgh. Need advice? Send questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com. Follow Natalie on Twitter @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci.