She has regrets about first love
DEAR NATALIE: I am a well- educated, retired professional woman. In this last season of my life, I have reflected on the special relationships that I have had. Several former classmates and boyfriends have died. I have been thinking of my first love, who was also the first boyfriend with whom I was intimate. We were together for two years. I know he really loved me, and then I broke his heart. We were of different religious, educational, social, economic and family backgrounds. I broke up with him when I left for college. He came to campus to ask me to come back and also when I returned home for the summer. I had met my future husband at that point, so I rejected him. He left in tears.
I have been wanting to make things right in my life. I really want to contact him and tell him that I really did love him and hope that he has had a happy life. I am honestly not trying to start anything as I have been married for more than 40 years and have had a life that is very enviable with much career success, children, grandchildren and world travels.
I know that he is still alive, but I’m not sure how or if I should reach out. I know it would mean a lot to him to know that I honestly loved him, and I have often thought of him and wished him well. I feel guilty about hurting him so deeply and want to reassure him that I have many sweet memories and no regrets about the time we spent together. I sincerely hope that he has. — DIFFERENT PATHS
DEAR DIFFERENT PATHS: I’ve been mulling this one over and over. In one way, it may be best to let sleeping dogs lie. It was so long ago and perhaps for him, burying that past heartache is best. But, as I thought about it more, so much time has passed, it may be a nice thing to hear from a long- lost love. It’s romantic, in a way!
So, if this has continued to weigh on your heart, a traditional handwritten letter might be a nice way to say how you feel without making too direct a contact. Make it clear in the letter that you aren’t trying to upset him or stir up anything. You just want to thank him for being such a special and important part of your life. Focus on the good times that you shared.
Love runs deep for some people; it takes on many forms. While he may not have been “the one” for you, there is nothing wrong with holding a special place for him in your heart. Just don’t expect anything in return.
DEAR NATALIE: My daughter was recently asked to kiss her husband’s elderly grandmother on the lips when they visit her. She was told that when she turns her head to kiss her on the cheek that it’s insulting to the grandmother.
My daughter has never been a big hugger or kisser, even with her immediate family. We’ve always respected her for those boundaries. If you could offer advice in this situation it would be appreciated! — NO KISSES PLEASE
DEAR NO KISSES PLEASE: No one is obligated to kiss anyone on the lips — or anywhere else for that matter! I’m sorry that the grandmother feels insulted, but kissing has to be a mutual decision. There is nothing wrong with her kissing her husband’s grandmother on the cheek or even just giving her a hug. Not everyone is comfortable with physical displays of affection, and she is not in the wrong for avoiding touch that she doesn’t want.
Next time grandmother complains, have your daughter say something like, “Please don’t take it personally. I’m just not one for kisses.” And move on.
Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Feel as if you aren’t getting anywhere on LinkedIn? Have you tried reacting to other people’s posts? Try commenting and liking articles. Post content that is relevant to your network while giving your own thoughts on the topic. Being on social media isn’t enough. To make connections work in your favor, you have to engage with people in a meaningful way.
Natalie Bencivenga is the Post- Gazette’s Seen and society editor. She has a master’s degree in social work from the University of Pittsburgh. Need advice? Send questions to nbencivenga@ post- gazette. com. Follow Natalie on Twitter @ NBSeen and on Instagram @ NatalieBenci. ( See it online on Wednesdays.)