Selfish sister wants to move closer

Dear Amy: I have only one living sibling. She spent most of our adult years manipulating our mother to get more than her share of money, jewelry, family antiques, etc., at times resorting to lies and even theft.

She seldom called me, never visited and left me with the lion’s share of eldercare.

Now she is lonely, her marriage is on the rocks, and her kids are estranged or troubled. I invited her to visit, twice, but found her unchanged. She is still selfish and sneaky.

Now she wants to move here and join my close circle of friends and family. “Family first” has been my creed, but I’m not feeling it for her. How can I say no?

— Worried Dear Worried: You cannot prevent your sister from moving to town, but you can definitely try to prepare her for reality by saying, “I hope you understand that moving will probably not be the solution to your problems. I’m not prepared to meet your needs.”

If this sister is a master manipulator and boundary-crosser, you will have to work hard to establish and frequently reinforce boundaries. Put the word “no” into your vocabulary and be prepared to use it.

Email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.