Yard-yacht sails into the neighborhood
Dear Amy: My husband and I bought a house a year ago. We had, at the time, a 24foot boat, which we kept in a gravel spot next to the driveway. (The spot was designed for this kind of thing.) By the way, if you don’t know boats, this thing was big and looked even bigger out of the water.
We’ve met most of our neighbors and all seem very kind, including “John and Barbara.” John posted on the popular social media app Nextdoor about our boat. His comment wasn’t related to the actual thread, but the gist of the comment was: “At least your neighbors don’t park a huge yacht in the middle of their yard!”
I was shocked. And now I’m hurt.
Unrelated to this event, we sold the boat but just bought a 20-foot camper to replace it. There is no homeowners association. We are not violating any code. MANY people in our neighborhood have campers or boats, and while most yards are very well-tended, there are a few standouts with tall weeds and unkempt trees. (Ours is neatly kept.)
We haven’t interacted with John and Barbara much — they winter in Florida and we don’t walk the neighborhood at the same hours.
My husband and I make jokes about it, but I’m very bothered. I feel like we’ve been singled out and because we’re new to the neighborhood and care about the impression we make. I’d like to address his crassness and mend the fence, the fence he likely has no idea is damaged, despite his post on social media.
I tend to be direct with people, and that’s not always the most desirable trait when trying to mend fences. Then I think: Why even bother? His post says a lot more about him than it does us. What are your thoughts? — Neighborly
Dear Neighborly: The app Nextdoor has developed something of a reputation as a conveyance for snippy, obnoxious, toxic comments (and worse) between neighbors and about neighborhoods.
This is what happens when the entire neighborhood shows up (virtually) for what people might think is a block party, but which quickly devolves into a snip-fest. Reading comments posted there can be like overhearing the conversation at the “mean girls” table in the middle school cafeteria, only to realize that they’re talking about you!
My theory is that most people who post snarky, derisive comments never dream that their comment will actually be read by the person they are degrading.
So yes, laugh at the concept of your yard-yacht. Also contact “John” (NOT on the app) and say: “I read your comment about our boat on Nextdoor. I hope our land-yacht beingparked there now is an improvementfor you.”
Most likely scenario: John never imagined you would read his comment, because you are a new resident and because he doesn’t have a clue about how social media works. He does, now.
Dear Amy: My cousin has two sons, ages 13 and 14. I buy them gifts for birthdays, Christmas and Easter. They call me “auntie,” which I appreciate because I don’t have anynieces or nephews.
The problem is that they rarely (if ever) thank me for the cards and gifts. This hurts me a lot. Gifts, cards and postage are expensive, and I am on a disability pension.
I enjoy remembering people on special occasions, but it feels awful not knowing if they liked their presents or if they even care. I am afraid to say anything because I don’t want to embarrass them or their mother.
Maybe these kids just have too much. Their parents are very well-off. What do you think I should do? — Sad Auntie
Dear Sad: I think you should offer these young men a gentle lesson, and let yourself off the hook! Your relationship with them is not based on these gifts. How do you know that? Because you seem to have a relationship with them even though they don’t seem to be interested in the gifts you send.
Switch to cards. Tell them you love them. Let that be your gift.
Dear Amy: Not to pile on, but I was deeply offended by your response to “Conflicted,” who wanted to spend time with a family member who was arrested for possessing child porn. Show compassion to this scumbag? I don’t think so. — Offended
Dear Offended: My overall point was that even scumbags have innocent mothers and other family members who deserve comfort and showing compassion toward him would comfort them.