Little blue pill stash gives rise to suspicion

Dear Amy: Some time ago, while getting some aspirin from my husband’s work backpack, I noticed an unfamiliar pill in with the capsules. I palmed it and later looked it up online.

I was expecting to find a narcotic. Turns out it was a form of Viagra.

I confronted him, and he said he takes them to work so he can “be ready for me” when he gets home. Not only did I call bull on this, but I insisted that he leave those kinds of pills with me to give tohim at the right time.

Yet weeks later (and again fully suspicious), I found a whole bottle of a new prescription of the same stuff in the bag. Again, we had the same confrontation and the same excuse/explanation. I insisted again that the pills must stay with me.

Now just this week, the bottle of “happy pills” kept in the cabinet are missing a few. He’s taking them to work again!

I should mention I have had myriad “womanly” problems in the last two years and have been recovering from multiple surgeries. I haven’t exactly been hot to trot for quite a while.

If he isn’t getting it from me, is he getting it from someone else? By the way, he works in a casino/hotel. I wonder sometimes just how convenient that really is. Am I just being paranoid?

— Worried Dear Worried: If you are hunting through your husband’s belongings, have confiscated medication and have placed yourself as his at-home pharmacist, I’d say you’ve moved beyond paranoia and into policing.

My cursory research about this kind of medication (note to self: Time to erase my browser history) indicates that it might not work in quite the way your husband implies. It is not medication to take before leaving the office and your evening commute home.

You imply that you and your husband are not currently sexually active. So, if he is taking medication to reverseED, but then not having sex with you, why is he taking the medication at all? At this point, I think you might be experiencing the opposite ofparanoia, which is denial.

In conclusion, if he isn’t “getting it” from you, and he’s definitely taking this medication, then you should assume he’s getting it from someone else. You and your husband have more discussions ahead regarding the future of your relationship. You should also each be tested for STDs.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been very happily together for 15 years and have successfully raised a blended family of independent and successful young adults, who are now (happily) out of the houseand on their own.

My husband and I, however, seem to have hit the “blahs.” We are both extremely engaged in our work and extended families. While still affectionate and interested in each other, at night, we fall into bed exhausted. I can’t think of the last time we reallyconnected. Any advice?

— In the Doldrums Dear Doldrums: You two should start to be deliberate in your actions — small and large — until you figure out where you left your mojo. Was it with the kids? Your elderly parents? Is it deep in your desk drawer?

Startby greeting each other in the evening with a moment of connection, eye contact and a kiss. Put your phones away during dinner. If you are too exhausted to be spontaneous, schedule your next intimate encounter: “How about you, me, a swig of Courvoisier? Meetme Friday night!”

Dear Amy: I didn’t like youradvice to the competitive high school girl (“Lonely at the Top”), who kept beating her best friend at sports her friendliked.

You might let Lonely know that her friend “Maria” is annoyed because Lonely is planning to participate in an activity that Maria is clearly passionate about (ice hockey), justfor “fun.”

Is that her true motivation? Maybe Lonely should acknowledge that her fun would be found in another chance to compete against Maria, as Lonely will again excel, and Maria will have to eat her dust again.

That is passive-aggressive behavior. Surely there are other sports, clubs, activities for Lonely to pursue, without competingwith her “bestie”? — Humble at The Bottom Dear Humble: I have a feeling that ice hockey, “Lonely’s” next pursuit, might be her comeuppance, but I don’t see any reason to discourage a talented athlete from trying to make any team she wants. If her athletic pursuits take a toll on her friendship, she’ll have to “play it as it lays.”